Jamalamadingdong

30, Flirty & thriving...

2010-11-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

This year I turn the big 30! It was lurking ahead of me all year and finally arrived with less fan fare and no instant wrinkles or sagging. Having experiences beyond belief in my 20s makes me excited for what is ahead in my 30s.

Still feeling like I am in my early 20s... Still having a heart for travel and medical missions... Still ready to see where the Lord takes me... Still trucking along through school when I can afford another class to check off the list... Still reaching for the goals that God has placed on my heart.

My hopes and goals for my 30s include (not in any particular order):

Rachael and I at my 30th Birthday Party

Get married, have babies and adopt babies, get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree, write a novel (or three), travel to a handful of countries I haven't been to before, get a sewing machine and get my crafty schmaftyness on, finish my Africa album from almost ten years ago, get a house and decorate it and maybe even do some DIY home projects (!!!), get back into youth ministry, learn how to down hill ski, go on at least one missions trip, help lead a missions trip, sing more, go puddle jumping with my nieces and my own kids, learn how to knit (and not with the knifty knitter... I was told that is not really knitting), recycle more, be healthy in my nutrition and exercise choices, live on less, reach higher, learn to run and do a 5K, live in a different state and country, and so much more...

So many wonderful things have happened in my life. I feel blessed and protected by God each and every day. He has provided me with an amazing bunch of friends and family in my life that continue to teach me more of His goodness. I have a great job working with a boy with Crouzon's Disorder and I am gaining invaluable experience in the medical field even before getting my certificate. I have a seasonal job at REI working in the call center and I LOVE this company beyond words! So blessed!

Stephen and me in Cannon Beach for the first time together for my 30th birthday!! So special!

This year for my 30th birthday I was able to visit my favorite place in the world with the man I love. Being that both of us grew up going there every summer with our families made it extra special to share the experience with each other for the first time. Going to Cannon Beach, OR had never been so special. Knowing that it was an important place to both of us made walking through town and pointing out our favorite spots and sharing traditions all the more special. I hope we can look back ten years from now and will have made the tradition of going to CB together with our kids too.

So excited for what is in store in this 30th year of my life!

Rock Your Systems

2010-10-01T01:24:00.001-07:00

As a Christian, I think it is essential for us to constantly challenge ourselves to consider why we believe what we believe and ask God to open our Spirits to seeing this world we live in through His eyes. Just as I have been discussing and wrestling with these feelings I came across the below post from a fellow YWAMer. My soul breathes a sigh of relief knowing I am not alone in the convictions this writer so eloquently shares. I hope this post will challenge more of the "systems" we have set up in our lives to be rocked!

"Systems" by Danny Lehmann
by YWAM on Thursday, September 30, 2010 at 11:31pm

Have you ever walked a dog and in the course of your journey encountered another dog approaching your partner ? The scenario is predictable: First, there is eye contact, then a stiffening of the tail and the hair on the back standing up. They then begin to ever so cautiously circle one another all the while sniffing to see if their new acquaintance passes their test. A good meeting proceeds with the tails beginning to wag and then some playful sporting. A bad one is when, usually suddenly, both dogs have an internal alarm go off and a fight breaks out.

This image came to my mind recently when I was recommended by a former student of mine to speak at a church. Much like the above dog encounter, before the meeting, in the course of an otherwise friendly conversation I was skillfully and suspiciously peppered with questions by an assistant pastor about my views on many subjects, such as Calvinism/Arminianism, the place of Israel in prophecy and whether or not I was one of those leftist "social justice" missionaries.( In keeping with Woodstock's 40th anniversary I was tempted to say "B...B...Bro, Where's the love?")

I had simply been invited by the senior pastor to teach on evangelism. My spiritual pedigree had been attested to in my books by the likes of Chuck Smith, Loren Cunningham and Greg Laurie. Nevertheless, I had the distinct sense that my "papers" were not enough so this watchdog over God's flock had to do his own personal sniffing.

My inquisitor, however, was not the only one doing the olfactory inquiry. Having canine tendencies myself, I did some sniffing of my own. I instinctively picked up the smell of a critical religious spirit but by God's grace made a choice to relax and keep my spiritual tail wagging!

To switch from my smelly metaphor to theological language, my new friend had spliced parts of the Bible into clear (in his mind) religious "systems" and like the above dog exchange, was sniffing me to see if I was OK. His clear unspoken vibe was "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!" Although I passed the test and had a relatively fruitful time of ministry, I was on edge the whole night lest I would slip up and profane his systematic pulpit.

Recently my son David, a serious Bible student, showed me a purchase he had made of a 1200 page "Systematic Theology." Thumbing through it I identified the particular systems this fellow was espousing. Digging deeper I noticed this systematic theologian had done what many of us do, due to our systems: over emphasize certain Scriptures and de-emphasize or ignore others that don't fit our systems.

I recently saw former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee on a T.V. talk show. The host, upon hearing that Mike was to be in Las Vegas for a political rally asked him if he was going to hit the slot machines. Huckabee laughed and said, "The last time I went to Vegas I took a twenty dollar bill and the Ten Commandments and I broke neither!" He went on to say, "Besides, I'm a Baptist and even if I struck it rich at the casinos I wouldn't be able to tell anybody!" It was a funny exchange but Huckabee was just simply and honestly admitting he was part of a system - a Baptist system that does not look too kindly on gambling.

A big question to ask ourselves is how do our systems affect the above statement that love is the fulfilling of the law? Where does "knowing what we believe and why we believe it" end and the idolatrous worship of our systems, often made in our image, begin? My guess is we are getting close when our systems prevent us from fulfilling the law and begin to control us. Perhaps it's when being "right" replaces being good. When ironically the Bible prevents us from doing what the Bible tells us to do!

A while ago I was asked to mediate in a situation where a pastor was threatening to cut financial support for Nepali missionaries because he had heard that YWAM was "working with Catholics" in Ireland. I tried to reason with the pastor and assure him that our dear Nepali brethren would probably never in their life even meet a Catholic in their Hindu kingdom. As he then turned up the rhetoric and identified the "antichrist" in the Church at Rome, his anti-Catholic system became more apparent. When I asked him if he believed anyone anywhere in the world could be a Catholic and be saved, he said "no" in no uncertain terms. I was stunned as I hung up the phone.

Speaking of Catholics, how could the church practice the execution of "heretics" during the Inquisition? On the other hand how could Lutherans persecute Anabaptists during the Protestant Reformation? How could John Calvin condone the burning of Michael Servetus at the stake in Geneva? How can certain T.V. evangelists identify a hurricane as a judgment from God and blame it on the gay community? It is because they read the Bible with cultural, national, racial, and political lenses, mixed in a few personal biases, added some theological naivety, subtracted love and came up with a system. The result: a deadly recipe that is the opposite of love. Others were then judged by that system, failed the test and were consequently thrown out of the kitchen.

Just for kicks, let's consider a couple of questions: Where does the Bible even declare that we are to jigsaw Scripture pieces into an airtight puzzle when a little ruthless honesty would force us to admit we inevitably have pieces left over? Could it be that He intended us to see the Bible as the unfolding story of His forever dream, celebrating the diversity within the unity rather than dividing over it? Did He really want us to treat His Word as a divine pizza pie that we chop up into topical bits and then respond to the bits of our choosing?

Is it possible that He is much more relaxed than we are about the things we get so uppity about, like sovereignty/free will and other biblical tensions. Can we be content with some mystery and enjoy the eternal love story without dissecting the Bible like a frog in a high school biology classroom? It may not only lower our blood pressure but promote more unity in Christ's Body, which seemed to be quite a big deal to Jesus and the apostles (Jn13:34-35, Eph. 4:3,11-13,Phil. 2:1-2, 1 Jn. 2:7-11, 3:10-17, 4:7-11,20-21). Controlling systems can blind us to the divine priorities of unity and love.

Could we not study the first chapter of Ephesians, for instance, verse by verse at face value in light of it's context and historical background without flying out of the book on verse 11 and declare from one system that everything that happens is God's will (including things He has declared in other parts of the Bible not to be His will!)? Can we not then read the sixth chapter of the same book and see real demons that we need to "wrestle" with in order to cooperate with God to see his will done, while not denying the sovereignty of 1:11? Can we simply deal with it, let the Bible be the Bible, and let others be who they are even if it or they don't fit the box of our systems?

Am I suggesting throwing out all systems? No. The early church took great pains to clearly define what it stood for ("... Jesus Christ His only Son our Lord, true God of true God, begotten, not made, of one substance with the Father..."). Such statements as those found in the Apostles Creed, for instance, require systematizing to a certain extent. The question for a mission like YWAM is which of these systematic hills are we willing to die on, especially when we are called to value our interdenominational identity and fulfill Jesus' prayer for unity (Jn 17:21-23).

In the 1920's J. Greshem Machen and his Fundamentalist allies, fighting theological liberalism, came up with 5 essentials to the Christian faith, revolving around the authority of the Bible, the person of Christ (His death and resurrection), the virgin birth and His physical return. Since then we have added to the list, created multitudes of new systems which have divided us from believers we are commanded to love and taken a lot of the fun out of fundamental! Case in point: the pastor in Florida who recently threatened to stage a "Burn a Q'uran Day" and almost went through with it knowing full well it would put missionaries and soldiers all over the world in danger to Muslim reprisals. "B...B...Bro, Where's the love?"

I freely admit that there are teachings in Scripture that I have systematized. I must in humility, however, recognize that my systems have been developed by looking at the Bible through the grid of my American heritage, culture, race, economic/social status and my denominational affiliations. I try to be "totally" objective. I'm not. No one is.

Must we sacrifice truth in order to walk in love? I think not. God is not confused. He told us not only to be right and do right but to be and do both in love. How? By submitting to His Spirit who teaches us to honor God's Character by being like Jesus--- "... that the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit" (Rom. 8:4). Augustine, in the 4th century gave us some good advice : "In essentials--unity. In non-essentials--liberty. In all things--charity."

"...love is the fulfillment of the law" (Romans 13:10)

Danny Lehmann is the Dean of the College of Christian Ministries for YWAM's University of the Nations.

skype dates

2010-09-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

I love technology!
Seriously people!
This having friends living on different continents only works because of the time period I am privileged to live in.
My dear friend Jo (lives in Scotland) was online the other day during my afternoon, her middle of the night (should be sleeping) time and we had the joy of talking and seeing each others faces for 45 fabulous minutes!
Its amazing to me that my friends, even across the world, can be seen and heard, if only we sit in front of our computers at the same time.

I am so blessed to live in this day and age. So thankful that I don't have to go years without seeing my dear friends who are far away! Love you Josephine! Can't wait until our next reunion!

(this photo was while we were in Switzerland together in the Spring of 2003)

Forgive and forgive again and again...

2010-09-30T15:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was looking at a friends facebook status that she posted:

just because you've made the CHOICE to forgive, doesn't mean the pain goes away immediately...BUT you can learn to manage the pain instead of allowing the pain to manage you (Krista Deary)

this got me to thinking about my own testimony of forgiveness in my life which led to a few responses...

My first response to that status:

One of my biggest lessons in life was learning about forgiveness. What really helped me as I grew through the process of forgiveness was:
1) I had to mentally imagine myself letting that person of the hook for how they had hurt me. It wasn't that I was saying what they did was okay... it was that I did not get to punish that person... it was only hurting me and causing anger and bitterness by placing that person on the hook.
2) I chose to then try to see that person with the eyes of Christ from that time forward. Not bringing up thoughts of the past but pushing those aside and focusing on the grace and love that God has for that person. And the forgiveness that God gave that person, just as He has forgiven me.
3) repeat steps 1 & 2 until I see this person for all Christ created only that person to do.

I am still in this process... forgiveness can be challenging. It has been 10 years since I chose to forgive. The hardest part is that I continually have to forgive this person again and again for new pain that is caused... but God grants me that same grace... He forgives me again and again and again and... you get the picture. We have to chose to forgive to find total healing and forgiveness for our own sins. God is just and is the only judge who can make us pay for our wrong doings. He also paid the price so we don't have to suffer eternal damnation. We get the gift of grace each day. We have total forgiveness if only we ask for it. Just remembering how God has changed my life in the area of forgiveness gives me a good heart check today. Thanks for the reminder. Now to repeat these steps again :)

Reading through the words I have written and sifting through my heart has challenged me to see my heart with more areas of forgiving that need to be done. I am in no way finished with the work that the Lord has begun in me... even if it was ten years ago when He began the healing process. As I was talking to my dear friend Jo (who lives in Scotland) yesterday via skype I shared some of my pain and she reminded me that we are all so broken. We are humanity. We are not perfect. We are going to fail each other. We are going to cause pain. We are all a work in progress. So I need to again let go of pain and forgive and forgive again and again.

Then someone else commented after my response, I will not name this person since I don't know this person. But this was the comment:

What about when you forgive, but your family won't. When they won't even consider your feelings, and you feel like you have to choose between the two..

My response to that came after more sifting through my heart and remembering what God has already walked me through and what verses and promises I need to rely on to continue to forgive and forgive again and again.

Here is my second response:

When I chose to forgive, I chose as my personal decision. It was not based on the understanding that someone else was going to receive that forgiveness and our relationship would then be restored. I forgave so my own heart would find the freedom of forgiveness. It was between me and the Lord. I didn't have to tell that person that I forgave them. It was only so I could have healing and move past the anger and pain and bitterness my unforgiving heart and mind were stuck churning through.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

We have to forgive so that our hearts can be right with God and so we can receive His forgiveness. It is the personal choice of your family members to be right with God or not.

I forgave and made the decision to tell the person that I forgave. It was important for me to tell specifically what I was putting behind me/letting this person "off the hook"/forgiving for. When I had this conversation, no changes happened in the relationship except on my end. I found myself slowly training my mind and heart to see this person differently. I had to take this person off the hook in my mind repeatedly when Satan tried to remind me of the past pain. I reminded Satan that I had forgiven this person.

It wasn't until seven years after I had forgiven this person that I received a glimpse of the process of forgiveness. I got a phone call one afternoon. The person on the other end of the phone, who I had chosen to forgive seven years before, was calling me to ask for forgiveness. This person listed all of the reasons they wanted forgiveness. They were finally in a place where God had worked on their heart and brought Light to the areas that needed to find freedom of forgiveness. This is a very humbling step for anyone to do. To admit you have wronged someone takes great courage and humility. I don't think this would have happened if my heart had remained hardened toward this person or if my attitude when near this person had been bitter and harsh. God did the work on my heart and helped me find the freedom of forgiveness before He worked on this other persons heart.

We have a choice to forgive. It is one of the most challenging acts we can do. It is also a part of how we show love.

1st Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

There it is... "keeps no record of wrongs"... sounds like forgiveness to me. This has been the next greatest challenge of my life. Choosing to love each person with every attribute in this definition of love. As someone who was hurt greatly and chose to forgive... the only way I could continue to have an attitude of forgiveness towards the person who had wronged me was to have a continual hope. "Love always hopes." It was God's perfect timing when He did the work in the heart of the person who I had chosen to forgive... it was seven years later that the hope He had started in my heart, the Love that He had opened my eyes to, finally came to fruition.

These two areas of forgiveness and love are my biggest life lessons... more like my testimony. Remember that our God has no limitations. I certainly did not feel hopeful at the very moment when I chose to forgive. It is a process. We are in process. He is able to do more than we can hope or imagine (Eph 3:20). As you step in obedience and chose to forgive, God will start working on the hearts of those around you. They will notice a change in you as you continually chose to have an attitude of forgiveness and love.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

He is faithful! He will not leave you or let you walk through the process of forgiveness alone. Call on Him for wisdom and strength. He will meet you each day and give you that strength to forgive and forgive again. My life is a testimony to God's ability to bring healing and forgiveness. I hope my story gives you some hope for your story of forgiveness.

I am still walking through forgiveness in my life. Knowing we are all broken and in need of His grace allows my heart to feel hope that some day forgiveness will be second nature to me.

To anyone who may be reading this who I have hurt or offended. Please let me know, so that our hearts can be right toward one another and so we can be aligned with Christ in an attitude of forgiveness and grace. I do not profess to be perfect, I am just as broken as the rest of humanity.

Lord, thank you for beginning this work in my life... I know you will be ever so faithful to complete it!

Recreational Equipment International

2010-09-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

Did you know that is what REI stands for?
Well, I am there newest seasonal employee starting on the 15th of October! I am super excited to be working an extra job this holiday season. And the benefits of working at REI are awesome! I will be working in the call center between 16 and 40 hours a week. Its going to be a busy busy busy season! Yes, I will still be working my night shift for the family of the little boy I take care of at night from 10pm-2am. My schedule is going to be crazy! But, I will be able to buy some Christmas presents this year... and more importantly, will be able to afford another quarter of college! And maybe will have some extra money for renewing my passport for the next international adventure I can only dream of at this point! One can hope! (I am singing the song from Cinderella... "A dream is a wish your heart makes...") sigh. Thankful that God gave me the desire to travel the world... excited to see how and when He will provide for my next adventure!

NW Trek

2010-09-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

It had been a few years since my last visit... probably more than a decade. This weekend I made a trip to NW Trek with Stephen and his niece and nephew. Seeing kids experience the world is so much fun! Stephen is a big kid himself and LOVES animals, so he was just as excited as Luke and Lily. We had a great time on the tram, having lunch in the cafe, and strolling through the park for six hours. The kids made horn crowns... well, I made them after they asked for help and left me at the craft table to finish the task. Lily almost climbed the fence to go into the bear exhibit. Yes, bears are her favorite. She kept asking for the bears all day long. My favorite part was the tram ride. There were so many animals out and they were so close too! Lucas enjoyed the cougar the most. I am not sure what Stephen's favorite part was... pretty sure he loved it all! It was wonderful and exhausting! Man, am I glad I am not a parent yet! But I can't wait til the next time when we can take the kids to another fun place... just to see them experience the world. It is a precious thing being a kid. So much yet to discover. It was a joy to be with those kids this weekend.

Stephen's 31st Birthday

2010-06-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today my man celebrated his 31st year of life. I made him my famous peanut butter cake. Yep, that hooked him for life. I crumbled reese's peanut butter cups over the milk chocolate frosting for extra kick. It was a hit... as usual :) We went out with a bunch of his friends to Round Table Pizza to celebrate. Happy Birthday Stephen! I am so happy I can celebrate this special day with you! Praying for many more birthday celebrations in our future! I love you!

Six Months

2010-06-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

My final was scheduled close to our actual anniversary day so we celebrated a day later just about an hour after my final was finished. Major celebration!
So Stephen was waiting for me in the driveway when I got home from school that day. He promptly whisked me away to Olive Garden in Federal Way for some early dinner/late lunch. It is one of both of our favourite places to go. After dinning we went to a park that had a beautiful boardwalk and bunnies everywhere! It was absolutely gorgeous... except for the rain and the fact that I was wearing flip flops and almost fell on my ass ten feet into our walk on the boardwalk :)
After sitting on a bench and watching the bunnies for awhile we went to the cheap theater and watched Alice in Wonderland. It was so cool! I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The story line was different than the movie I remember as a kid and it was so creative and colorful!
After the movie we went next door to Cold Stone where we had our first date ever and had romantic ice cream while listening to the melodic sounds of the Cold Stone employees singing songs of sweetness (ice cream). It was so special. When we walked out of Cold Stone there were two beautiful rainbows side by side in the sky. I stopped and hugged Stephen with my head to his chest and he of course told me he ordered them special for our day. It was then that I realized his heart was pounding like a drum harder than I had ever heard it before. I told him and he said it was because he loves me. He then grabbed my hand and put something in my palm and told me that he wanted to make some promises to me. Promises to spend the rest of his life loving me, promises to be faithful and trust me, and promises to respect me and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. He then opened my hand and there was a ring. He told me it was a Promise ring. He made me all of those beautiful promises. It was so special. I reminded him that rainbows are God's promises to man. It was such a beautiful day! I felt so loved and still feel so loved by Stephen. He is amazing.

Picnic in the Rain

2010-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today Stephen and I set out to have a romantic picnic. We packed our adorable basket with bubbly drink and the required items needed to make peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Threw in some fruit and an extra protein drink for the hike. Where was this picnic to be had? At Snoqualmie Falls of course! And what kind of day was it? It was a glorious rainy spring day, of course!

Once we arrived at our destination we found the perfect picnic table. This table was located under the dripping trees and the benches were soaking wet. We sat on the table cloth that we otherwise would have used for the... table. We carefully made our sandwiches while laughing as we were getting more and more drenched by the dripping trees as we ate. Our sandwiches were soggy with rain and tree water, but we were having fun! Oh, we were in the making of a great memory! The rain stopped long enough to give us hope for our hike. Yep, we were about to hike down to the bottom of the Falls. The going down part is a whole lot easier than the going up part. At the bottom we realized we need to get into better shape so we can make it to the top without taking breaks. We huffed and puffed and made it to the top (while being passed by young and old). But we made it! Next time we take this hike, the plan is to be in better shape!

Welcome Bella!

2010-03-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

My baby brother became a dad today. This seems so crazy and yet it is factual. Her name is Bella Grace. She is beautiful. Seeing him hold his daughter is so precious. I am so happy for him to have a little girl and a family to take care of. Congrats Nick & Shali! You are a beautiful family!

prodigal sister and the fam

2009-11-29T23:14:00.000-08:00

so i just listened to a sermon online and it was talking about the prodigal son and that whole story... i need to share something else before i get back to the rest of what this prodigal son story was speaking to my heart about.

so...about two and a half years ago my sister and i went to europe together. before we left i had a dream that she was the prodigal son and lost everything she had. at the time i had the dream she was married to her husband of almost ten years and had four kids ages 10, 8, 5, and 18 months. the moment we arrived in europe together i found out my sister had been struggling in her marriage for quite some time. she had at least two "boy-friends" she had met online and told me she was going to get a divorce when she got home. she got home from europe and... two weeks later she moved out of state leaving her husband and four daughters. she had made a verbal agreement with her husband that in a year she would get custody of the girls. needless to say, the state had a different view of the situation and granted full custody of the girls to my now ex brother in law and considered that she chose to abandon her family giving her very limited rights to her girls. the eldest of her daughters was born of a different father but raised by the other girls' dad for those almost ten years of marriage. her eldest daughters father (and grandparents) found out she had left the state and marched over and ripped my niece away from the family she had known all of her life. so my sis has gone back and forth from the state away from her girls back to where they live a few times in the past two and a half years.
she has now been living in the same city with the three younger girls for more than six months.

my mom talks to my sister multiple times a day. my sister doesn't even call me on my birthday or if i am in the hospital anymore. she knows how i feel about the choices she has made and knows i will have a hard time believing anything she says to me because the trust is not there.

two weeks ago my sister found out that the father of the three younger girls is moving to another state and taking the girls with him and his new wife. this move is meant to sever the relationships between my sis and her girls. two days ago my sis found out that the father of her eldest daughter is taking her to court again and that the state is considering her an unfit mother and that they are most likely going to grant him full custody. my sis is broken right now. i am having a really hard time with this. i have no idea what that would feel like as a mother to have your children taken away from you... and then again she chose to leave her girls behind just two and a half years ago.

after listening to the story of the prodigal son i am struggling not only with the facts that i thought my sister had lost everything and yet it seems as if she is losing even more right now... i am also struggling with the understanding of who the brother of that prodigal son is. my mom is certainly running toward my sis with outstretched arms and preparing the fatted calf and calling for a party to get started because she believes my sis is changing. i on the other hand still am struggling with trusting what she is saying and even thinking she brought this upon herself. she chose this.

why can't i embrace her like my mom? why is it so hard to trust and even to show sympathy to my own sister? i feel as if i am the brother in this story and not able to join the party. did the father in this story have any proof of the lost sons change? had he seen it in action other than those few words of repentance? he was so excited for his son to be home that he was calling to the servants as his son was apologizing to him. why can't i give that kind of love and grace to my sister? why must i expect proof of a change in her before i can show her sympathy or try and trust again?

my sister will be in town in five days. she will be going to court to testify and try to fight for custody of her eldest daughter. i am not sure what i am supposed to do. well, i know i am called to love.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever (1 cor 13:4-8)

God help me. i certainly don't feel like i can embrace my sister right now. please show me how you see her. Lord give me a heart of compassion to be able to at least understand her pain. Lord help me to be able to look at her and speak to her in love without all of the pain of the past. Lord help me to not keep those records. Lord help me to be hopeful. Lord help me not to be irritated or rude. Lord give me your strength to never give up, to never lose faith, and to always hope for YOUR best for my sister no matter what her choices have been. Thank you Lord that your love endures through every circumstance. I know I have needed your Outrageous Love to light the way through some of the hardest times of my life and to bring truth to the areas in my life that needed cleaning up. God I just pray that you will show me how you want me to Outrageously Love my sister.

Please pray for my sister and niece this week. And please pray for me as i try to do what feels so impossible at the moment. ok Lord, I know this is going to be a process. have mercy on me as you continue to burn away the parts of me that need refining.

still a fan. might love him more because of this show.

2009-11-25T01:08:00.000-08:00

laughed out loud. loudly.

Be thou...

2009-11-25T00:10:00.000-08:00

Hi God,

2009-11-23T01:19:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am to have a place to live, a job that enables me to pay rent and the rest of my bills, and friends and family that love and support me through anything that life throws my way. I am pretty darn blessed. And no matter how many little things that I can think to complain about at work or just waiting on your timing... I know that you have your hand on where I am right now. Thanks. It is easy to get distracted by what is not happening right now. Thanks Lord for all that I do have right now in my life.

Your Daughter,

Jami

Hello 29!!

2009-11-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

Never have I been so shocked at a number and excited for a new year than right now. I am a little in denial that I am actually 29 now. It doesn't seem possible that the years have gone by that quickly... that makes me sound old. gosh. But the years really have gone by fast. Our parents weren't kidding when they said such things.

This past year has been a hard one. I made it through a time of difficult classes. I had to withdrawal from classes during winter and spring quarter to have surgery and then recover from surgery. This summer I watched God provide job after job to meet my every need. This fall I have been training at a new job... it is a job... but one that has been quite challenging in several ways.

I am so excited to have a new beginning. I was getting excited for 2010 because I like fresh starts... and then it hit me that I have a new year of my life! Woohoo! I am so excited to see what the Lord is going to teach me this year!

Goals for year 29 include:
~ visit Sonja and Cam in Australia (and as many DTS mates as I can!)
~ get my bod and GI in shape!
~ go back to school
~ go on dates
~ find a job that I enjoy (and can stand behind the company)
~ laugh as much as possible
~ get rid of more stuff
~ go on a missions trip
~ take more pictures
~ be crafty more often
~ spend less money
~ love my family more
~ share Christ with one person a month
~ take a road trip
~ smile at strangers
~ make more friends
~ go kayaking
~ visit the dentist & orthodontist
~ watch less TV
~ start journaling again
~ get involved in a church
~ do something musical
~ live more transparently
~ learn to cook
~ spend intentional time with God every day
~ go camping
~ go polar-bearing in the ocean
~ visit a spa
~ save money on my car insurance :)

I think that was 29 goals. I am sure I can come up with more than that but I am unsure if I will be able to accomplish all of these in year 29. But it is good to have goals. Something to have to focus on.

I am so thankful for another year to begin. Thank you Lord for getting me through year 28. You are so faithful. Praying that this year is full of fun and less of the hard stuff like last year. I am embracing year 29 as my last year in my 20s and hope to live it to the fullest! Its just a number... maybe it will become one of my favourite years of life thus far :) one can hope!

Hello 29!!

I hate my guts!

2009-09-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

no seriously. my guts as in my GI tract have been the source of discomfort in my life since I was born. you might be saying... why the heck is Jami blogging about her guts?... well it all has to do with something I heard in church today. but before I get to that I have to tell you something I was talking about with my friend Danielle a few weeks ago.

so I was talking about my messed up belly and how I have been on diets where I cut all things delicious out of my life and basically lived off of fruits and vegetables, fish, and rice for several months. I am someone who loves the richness and sweetness of cheesecake. my diet that helps my tummy feel better eliminates dairy, wheat, barley, rye, soy, corn, sugar (artificial are the worst!), caffeine,things high in fat or insoluble fiber, chocolate, red meat, acidic foods, eggs, alcohol, carbonated beverages and pretty much anything else that is delicious that you can think of. Danielle and I agreed that life is pretty much not worth living when you cut out all the glorious foods that God so obviously created (or maybe man created).

So today at church our speaker was talking about living as dead people and how we need to die to ourselves. He reminded us that within the word diet - is the word die. We must die to our appetite so that we can live. Live healthier. Make choices bases on knowledge of what is good for our bodies rather than what is not.

How am I going to do this? Listening to God about what I eat is too big for Him. But I thought I would give it a try. My trying only lasted as long as it took me to get home. I sure had a lousy start. Had chili and cheese with corn chips. An old family swim meet food. Hmmm... lets see how many things were good for me in that. beans = insoluble fiber, red meat = rotting meat torturing my gut, cheese = dairy is the devil, corn chips = more insoluble fiber. Poor choice Jami. At least I drank a couple glasses of water and then took the dog on a 45 minute walk.

What is my goal and what am I going to do to achieve that goal?
Making choices like having healthy snacks prepared for when I am on the go will stop me from picking up some unhealthy choice at a fast food establishment.
My goal is to be healthy, make healthy choices, feel healthy, and encourage others to live healthy life styles. Through these healthy living choices I hope to gain some more living time in my life and lose some much loathed weight in the process. In just less than 14 months I will be turning 30. My goal is to be 75-100 pounds less by that time.

With God all things are possible. Even a fat girl dying to her appetite. My health is important to God. He spoke that loud and clear this morning. From here on out I will ask Him for help and try to listen and obey as He helps me make healthy choices.

I know that diet needs to be combined with exercise and will be working out at the YMCA (with a workout buddy or two) as well as kicking my butt into gear with some www.beachbody.com dvds (these have worked me into some amazing shape in the past and I am excited to use them again), and being outdoors (walking, biking, hiking, or anything else I can do to be active in the NW).

Some day I may not have a six pack, but I hope my stomach is flat and not round. I will always have stretch marks and scars from my operation, but under those will be a GI tract that is happy and healthy.

Lord help me turn my life around and make choices that will help this body you gave me live life to the fullest (not the fullest belly but the fullest life!)!

too much salt

2009-09-12T00:28:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Christian radio on my drive to an interview today (ok friends who don't like KCMS please don't stop reading) and one of the announcers was talking about cooking (I think I might have gotten Ang to keep reading because I mentioned cooking)and how when you are adding salt to a recipe there is an amount that should not be exceeded, otherwise, the dish turns out not so delicious.
the announcer dude then paralleled the salt to adding Jesus to different areas of our lives. He said we can add, and add, and keep adding Jesus and there isn't a point ever where there is too much Jesus in an area of our lives. its quite the opposite. the more we add His truths and His ways to all the areas of our lives the better all the areas of our lives get!
so. I guess I just need more Jesus

I AM JOB!

2009-09-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

Its official! My economic crisis has come to an end. God has brought me through the last 13 months and one day and today I was offered a job working in a call center for an affiliated wireless company. If you are a Verizon customer and dial 611 you may get me on the other end of the line! Awesomeness! It will be amazing to have an income again... let alone medical, dental, and vision insurance!! wow!

If you have been following along in my life you know that throughout the past year every bill has been paid by God... I know this to be true because every time something was close to due or I would almost start to worry (ok. some days there was some serious worry going on!) God would take me back to His promises to be my Provider.

55K in medical bills were covered! all of my tuition and books were covered! 13 months of car insurance, cell phone, gas, food, and a credit card (that I will be paying off and cutting up once I get my first whoppin paycheck!)covered! God is AMAZING!

I will be working in Federal Way at ACS. Training will be 7 weeks long! Please keep me in your prayers as I start this new adventure. There will be a LOT to learn! I know that God will get me through this one too. Praying also for some great friends at this job, a good relationship with my boss, and opportunities to testify the awesomeness of Jesus!

My first day in September 23rd... until then I will be dog sitting in Orting and moving my stuff into a house with some friends. God is SO GOOD!

I am truly in awe of the awesomeness of God. He has taught me so much on trust, provision, waiting, trust, provision... yeah. you get the point. He has shown me how capable He is. He is more than able!

Whats the story?

2009-08-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

So, early in the summer I had a wee revelation. Somewhere in my little brain a light turned on and I my eyes opened a little wider. I was discovering the importance of diversity in people. I was captivated as I walked down the street and people watched at my favorite local coffee house. My thought with every person I saw being... "what is their story?"

It is so small of me to think that people are not shaped by their life circumstances and social influences. As I asked God to open my eyes and give me a heart for His children like I have not experienced before I found that I had created my own fears. In my mind differences made someone less approachable when in reality someone who is different is more likely to challenge my perceptions and cause me to think more... thus growing more.

A friend of mine recommended a book to me about this time. It was made into a movie, though I have yet to see the film. "The Soloist" was another opportunity to challenge my "what is their story?" thought. In the book a brilliant man with a severe mental illness winds up playing at Julliard and then later on the streets of the ghetto.

My mom has been labeled as bipolar for ten plus years and it has taken me that long to discover that she has a story of her own. This summers circumstances (I will share more on that some day) allowed a greater understanding of how she developed her mental illness over the course of her life. It is so sad to think that people in her life purposefully abused her and made her to feel as less of a person. I hope some day that she will know how worthy of love she truly is.

It is easy then to think of judgment for those who chose to belittle her and take away her self-worth. Unfortunately and fortunately I have no right to that judgment. Unfortunately, because there are moments when I would like to tell someone that they deserve judgment and their actions are going to take them to a fiery place... and fortunately, because my actions occasionally merit the same thoughts and I know that God's grace so undeservedly abounds new every day.

So back to judgment. Why is it that I judge people as I see them each day? As I think about how I was raised (in my family and in the church), I see that it was taught to me to befriend those who are like me in faith and to stay away from those who had differences. It was said to me that if I was friends with kids who were different I would "get sucked in" to their crowd and be ruined forever.

So who did Jesus befriend? Did He find people that were like Him? Sure He spent time with the disciples... but were they really like Him? They were fishermen, a doctor, a tax collector, and several others occupations are unknown. He spent time with murderers and thieves, prostitutes and the sick.

I find it interesting that judgment was taught to my as part of my Christian upbringing and yet it so contradicts the lifestyle of my Jesus.

It is sad to me that I have lost several years of my life to narrow-minded thinking, however, as an eternal optimist I can turn it around and say that I am grateful for the grace that God shows me. That even though I chose to judge, He does not. He has taken away judgment with the gift of the Cross. Amazing! And I have the rest of my life to change that old way of thinking.

I hope that through new eyes, eyes that are similar to the Lords, I will be able to see and hear more of the stories of the people I come in contact with.

Ever person has a unique story. I challenge you (and myself) to find out someone's story before you stereotype them.

God is bigger...

2009-08-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

This year has been one for the books. Seriously, I could write a whole book about it if I sat down and mapped one out. So much has happened... and so much has not happened. And yet the year is not over.

So to get to my thought of God being so big.

God is bigger...

*than the boggie man (thanks to Veggietales for that one).
*than the economic crisis making it difficult to find a job.
*than my resume (which shows I was "let go" from a job a year ago).
*than I can even imagine.

One of "my girls" (aka one of my former youth kids that is now a grownup and has graduated college) and I met for coffee the other day. She was sharing about her recent adventures in YWAM. One particular story she shared from one of many speakers she heard said something that has popped back into my mind almost every day since.

The speaker was talking about how big God is. There is a passage somewhere in the bible that talks about God holding some stars in his hand. Stars are not little... though they appear to be from far away. And God would not be holding just little stars. The smallest star is ginormous in reality. And yet my God held more than just one. He is able to hold massive stars in His hands. WOW! My God is HUGE!

Sure He cares about the stars and that they brighten our night skies and delight our hearts to look and wish upon. But He cares so much more for His dear children. He can carry us all in His (perfect love) hands.

So knowing that I am in His hands makes the not knowing about tomorrow ok.

Here I sit replaying Proverbs 3:5&6 over to myself... trying to wrap my mind and heart around the words that are not foreign to me.

God is bigger. This I know.

The Proposal

2009-06-22T23:20:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful night. Beautiful sunset complete with a proposal. The movie. I won't spoil it for anyone. It was a chick flick and I am a lover of chick flicks so it made me laugh out loud and of course some tears happened. It was while I was driving home after dropping my mom off that some more tears came. I was thinking about having someone special in my life. As the tears welled up and before even one of them could fall I thought about how many tears I have shed in my life time. Tears of loss. Tears of joy. Tears of anger. Tears of not understanding. Tears for every emotion. Then it hit me that God knows exactly how many tears that I have shed. He knows every thought and emotion that went along with each tear. He knows me better than I know myself. Truly amazing. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. The creator of the universe is amazing. And it blows my mind regularly that He loves me more than I can even understand.
Thank you Lord for caring so deeply and loving like no one else can - each and every one of your children!

Who is my provider?

2009-05-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

I don't have the security of parents to come to my rescue when I need help financially. Though they would like to help me (that hasn't always been the case for my dad but God has done some awesome work in his life) they just don't have the means to do it.

After having surgery nine weeks ago... it has been different than I anticipated. Medications made it impossible for me to make it through the quarter of pre-reqs for nursing. I was so frustrated with myself and felt like I had failed God. Afterall He had done such a miracle in getting me surgery so quickly and with a quicker estimated recovery time. All I had to do was get back in the game and get my school on. After not being able to focus and study and doing horribly in classes I realized that it was not just me but my body was still recovering. So I surrendered to the rest my body so needed.

A few long weeks later I start feeling a bit semi normal and started looking for jobs. I don't know how many I have applied for, submitted resumes for, or interviewed for so far. It has been a LOT!

I was just thinking about how I haven't had a job since August and have been living off of my student loans. Nine weeks after surgery I have had two garage sales, five house/animal sitting jobs, one recurring babysitting job, and one cleaning job. I did not seek out any of these jobs. These people contacted me. Did they know I had a need. Not all of them. Some of these jobs were set in my calender a couple months ago... most were scheduled a day or two in advance.

I am in awe looking at these provisions right now. Though there are unanticipated medical bills in my inbox... I do not doubt my Jehovah Jirah's ability to meet my needs. As I was sitting outside in the sunshine at one of my garage sales yesterday a tiny hummingbird flew within a few feet of me. It stopped to suckle on a nearby plant. At that moment I heard God whisper to me. See Jami... I take care of these precious birds and you are even more precious to me. Peace reigns in my heart because I know that even though the bills are here I know that God is going to provide for my every need.

Another way God has provided... He brought my best friend home for five weeks. She is here without her husband (miss you Camalama! but I am so excited to be spending time with your wifey!) so I get to see her more than usual. God is so good. He pours out blessings on His kids!

I know that God must be providing in awesome ways for others. It is who He is. He is Jahovah Jirah our Provider. That is His name! If you are facing a time of hardship I hope you will remember that God is the One who can meet your every need. Not your every want... but your needs. He knows our every need and remember he takes care of the birds of the air and the flowers of the fields as well and we are so much more precious to Him than those.

Matthew 6:25-33
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I hope you will be encouraged and reminded of the awesomeness of our Heavenly Father. He is SO GOOD! Blessings to you and your loved ones. May the Lord meet your every need in His perfect timing!

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

2009-05-11T21:23:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day weekend I got in a car with my mom and drove the five hours from Seattle to Spokane so my mom could see her grandbabies for the weekend. I was apprehensive for several reasons. But God has been showing me more and more that I need to love more selflessly... especially with my family. So I was pleasantly surprised when this weekend was filled with so many wonderful moments.

Here are a few of my favourites...

After dinner on Friday night we walked to the park down the street from my sisters new place. My nieces bring out a silly side of me. I soon found myself running through the field being chased and chasing my little nieces around. The hillside was calling me to come and play so I gave in and found my inner kid again. As I rolled down the hillside it was impossible to stop laughing. Oh the sweet simple joy of rolling down a hill. I can't believe that it has been more than a decade since I had that sweet joy! I even got my mom to roll down the hill! It was so wonderful I had to repeat it again and again until one of the little ones declared she had to go potty and we had to leave the park. Goal. Must roll down hills at least once a year... preferably once a month.

On Saturday night my sis decided it was movie night and picked out Mamma Mia (I didn't think it was appropriate for kids but her mind would not be changed). I loved this movie when I saw it in theaters and was so excited to have a repeat experience. It was better than before. The kids only stayed up for the first 30-45 minutes of it. As the music came on it was impossible to stay in our seats. I found all the girls spoons, whisks, and ladles to be their microphones for the evening. We sang and danced our hearts out. Mamma Mia will forever be a super special memory.

Sunday morning I was awoken to the sweet sounds of a three year old giggling with her grandmother. She woke up bright eyed and full of love and had to go tell her grandma first thing that she loved her. She calls my mom Grandma Sunshine because while my sis had left her family two years ago my mom stayed with the girls for six months to help out. My mom would sing "You are my Sunshine" to Mea every day multiple times a day. Mea now sings the whole song to my mom and has such sweet pure love for her. I was sleeping downstairs and heard Mea say again and again... I love you Gramma. It was in between her giggles that she interjected her love for her grandma. I wish every morning started with such love and laughter. So beautiful.

So I am so glad I went to Spokane with my mom for the weekend. It was so special. We had some great conversations in the car and so many sweet moments with my adorable nieces. What a glorious Mothers Day weekend indeed. I hope everyone else was able to have some sweet moments too.

love!

2009-04-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

If you haven't gathered this already from my past posts... I love music!
It is something amazing to get a revelation about more of who God is through how He has revealed Himself to a person and then developed a song in their heart which then gets shared with the world.
Having gone through much time of waiting and trusting and trying to understand the whys of life... it is often through quiet times of hearing God through music that my spirit finds peace and rest and comfort from the truths that God speaks through musicians. Music speaks loudly to my soul. It is those moments where I get lost in the words and presence of God that I get found. I get the truth. Then I have to listen to it a couple more times til it restores me as I am filled up with words from my Father.
I am so thankful that God gave us music! He has blessed us with some amazing musicians that are anointed and help to usher us into His presence. Wow. What an extraordinary gift!
Some of my newest favorites include:
Kari Jobe, Tenth Avenue North, Starfield, Vicky Beeching, Lindsey Kane, and JJ Heller to name a few. Check em out if you want. I don't think you will be disappointed.
Blessings to you dear friends!

I love this song! Its a love song from our Maker. So precious. Thank you Jesus for your love that is unlike any love we have or ever will experience! Such an amazing and beautiful love.

My Beloved - Kari Jobe

beyond what I imagined

2009-04-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

This year has been filled with so many unpredictable moments. So many times I questioned God and what He was trying to teach me. I told Him what I had already learned. I told Him I didn't need another lesson in _______. His plan was different than what I could understand on a day by day basis. It has taken me the better part of four months to understand part of the plan He had in letting certain events in my life unfold the way they did. Through it all... I have seen God's sovereignty, I have felt His peace and protection, I have grown to know more of who He is. I would not ask for anyone to have to go through difficult circumstances in their life. The only good thing about trials is all the growth and miracles that God can show through the unpleasant and unwanted circumstances. Though my story is different than your story... we all have experienced a tough circumstance or will experience one at one point or another in our lives. The following song and story touched my heart and reminded me that though we may not feel like worshiping in the midst of our circumstances... "All of my life. In every season. You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship."
I pray that your circumstances will not disable your ability to worship. God will meet you. Even if it takes you some time to feel Him near you again, He will be there and not ever leave.
Your circumstance does not change that God is still God and what He has called you to do in your life.
I hope you are blessed by this song and the story shared by one of the musicians.

The Desert Song- Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

"mingi" - children that must be put to death acording to their tribe

2009-04-12T23:49:00.000-07:00

Drawn from Water from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

Break Me Down

2009-02-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

The following is something I read from the Tenth Avenue North Website. It is from Mike's Journal dated Feb 3rd, 2009.
Challenging and powerful words.

“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.”
-Hosea 6:1

Excuse me, what?!!
Who has torn us?
Who has injured us?
The Lord?!!!
Wait a second there Hosea, didn’t you mean to say Satan has torn us?
Or maybe bad people?
You sure that’s not a typo or something?

Personally, I think one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to reconcile in my head
and my heart is this idea that a loving, merciful, compassionate God
would hurt me.
And not on accident either, but purposefully and willfully.
God will unapologetically tear me into pieces so that He can heal me.
And you.
Strange huh?

And I suppose it isn’t so terribly surprising coming from a prophet who was made
to marry a harlot. If anyone would know something about being hurt by the
Lord it would be him right?
I don’t know if you know the story, but
I mean, just put yourself in his place for a second.
There you are. The man. The dude. You’re the prophet over all of Israel, and
you’ve been keeping yourself pure, praying every day for the woman that God will
give to you and then He finally speaks, but its not at all what you were hoping for.

God: “Hosea.”
Hosea: “Yeah Lord?”
God: “It’s time.”
Hosea: “Ahhhh Yeaaahhh! That’s what I was hoping you were gonna say.
Time for a wife right Lord?”
God: “Yes Hosea, it’s time for a wife.”
Hosea: “Ooohh, I can’t wait!!! Just tell me though God, is she hot and holy?
Cuz you know, I’ve been keeping myself pure, and I just know you’re gonna
reward me with a wife that’s hot and holy. That’s all I’m asking for because,
hey, that’s what I deserve right?”
God: “Well, not exactly. I don’t think she’s quite what you had in mind.”
Hosea: “Wait, what? …..Oh… I see! She’s even hotter and holier than I thought!
Oh yeah Lord, I know how you work!
God: “Well, no.”
Hosea: “What you mean, no?”
God: “Hosea, I don’t know how to tell you this, well, of course I know how to tell you this,
I’m God, it’s just, well….she’s a prostitute.”
Hosea: “prosti-what?”
God: “Prostitute. Whore. Lady of the Night.”
Hosea: No, no, I know what it is, but a PROSTITUTE!!!
God: Yeah, I know that’s not what you were planning, but its what I was planning, so you’re
gonna marry her.
Hosea: “I’m gonna do what?”
God: “you’re gonna marry her, but then of course, she’ll cheat on you, and sell herself
so you’ll have to go buy her back.”
Hosea: “Go what?”
“Yeah, you’re going to forgive her and buy her back and when she cheats on you again
and has children with other lovers you’re going to love them and take her back again.”
Hosea: “Come again?”
God: “you’re going to love her kids and take her back.”

Long awkward silence

Hosea: “What’s her name?”
God: “Gomer.”
Hosea: “Oh Come on!!!”

Now I apologize if you’re name is Gomer, but you do have to admit,
it’s a rather unfortunate name, and an even more unfortunate situation.
But the Bible records that it did happen.
Maybe not exactly like that, but God did tell Hosea to marry an adulterous wife.
And the reason that the Lord supplies in Hosea 3
Is that their marriage was to show us how he loves his people.
He loves his people like an adulterous wife.

And the story is so insanely beautiful when you see it from that angle,
but when you look at it from Hosea’s angle it’s just plain crazy.
Think about what you’d say if your pastor got up in front of the congregation and
announced that he was about to marry a whore. What would your response be?
Now, I’m not suggesting that every one go out and marry someone from the local
street corner, but I am saying that it is evident that God will do whatever He has to do
to bring you to a place where all you want is Him.

He’ll break you, He’ll hurt you, He’ll ruin your plans, and He’ll tear you into pieces,
and He’ll do it all out of a perfect holy love.
And look, I know that sounds crazy, but think about it for a moment.
A lot of people want to use God to give them something other than Himself.
If we’re honest, we’ll admit that we all do it on some level.
For instance, we don’t have sex until we’re married, because then God owes us a virgin.
We give 10% of our income to a church, because then God owes us prosperity and wealth.
We pray and pray and pray, and then God owes it to us to answer and give us what we want.
And in all those cases, Jesus is no longer the end, but simply a means to something else.

You’ve got to see that in Hosea’s case, or perhaps in the case
of that one friend of yours who thinks marriage is the goal of their existence.
Don’t laugh. It might be you.
But if you think about it, It would actually be unloving of God to go
and make our marriage perfect and make that person fulfill our every hope and dream.
Why?
Because that person will die.
That marriage will end, and if your whole life and existence and joy depends on another
human being, you will inevitably be in for heartache.
Just read the Twilight series (it’s true. I’ve read it, though I’m not proud of it)
and see how the heroine Bella, how her entire life falls apart when her vampire
lover leaves her. Put simply, If our joy rests entirely upon human love or
vampire love, or any other kind of earthly love for that matter,
then one day, our joy will be destroyed.
Is this making sense?

Of course, marriage is just one example.
Money. Security. Fame. Obedience. Sex. Drugs. Worship Music.
If our hope is set in anything but the living person of Christ, then we’re just setting ourselves
up for failure. And so God, in his infinite and everlasting love, will do whatever He has to do
to break, bend and conform his people’s hearts to Him.
He will no longer be the means to some other end, but the end Himself.
Like a surgeon who has to cut you open,
so God must tear us apart to create in us a new heart.
A heart that is obsessed with Him alone.
But unlike a doctor, He doesn’t just use a knife. He uses the most bizarre people,
circumstances, and tragedies to change our hearts until they only treasure Him.

He will break us down.
And it will be painful, scary, and altogether beautiful.
Friends, if the Lord is tearing down your world today,
if all the walls on your so carefully constructed plans are caving in on themselves,
then ask Him in faith, God, are you my treasure?
And if you find the answer is no, then ask Him to bring it on.
Break out the scalpel. Tear down the walls. Let loose the storms.
Ask Him to do whatever He has to do, until you can proclaim with the psalmist,
“Whom have in heaven but you,
and earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
(Psalm 73)

All this world is fading away anyway right?
Then take heart.
This life is not about succeeding.
It’s not about changing the world.
It’s not about living with purpose, or leaving a legacy
or making the maximum impact with your life.
It’s actually not even about living your life for God.
Did you hear me?
Don’t live your life for God.

Live your life because God.

Because He has loved us, redeemed us, and because He is all that our hearts are longing for.
It’s no longer about what you do with your life at all, because He is your life.
May He do whatever it takes to open our eyes to see that.
He is the means and He is the end. And everything in between is from his hand.
It can be terrifying at times, I know, but its worth it.
Believe me, and I guess more importantly believe Him.
It’s worth it.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing
with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
-Romans 8:18

“”Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
-Hosea 6:1-3

holding hands

2009-02-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

A spoonful of sugar... or not

2009-02-24T23:16:00.000-08:00

So. I haven't done this Lent thing in a while and I could really use a goal right now. I hope that God will be ok with that. Lent will give me something to focus on. So my plan for Lent is to only have natural sugars. Like fruits and honey and beet juice is ok. I did this for a couple months with a friend last spring and it was a difficult but so beneficial challenge. I just finished the Reece's Pieces that were mocking me and am sure that 46 days is totally doable though I will appreciate all the support I can get. So please don't offer me anything sweet... unless of course you managed to use fruit juice, honey, or beet juice to make it sweet. Thanks for your support friends. Heres to hoping I will remember to do this for the next 46 days. After all... my body is Christs temple... I should be paying more attention to what I put in His temple.

My Beloved

2009-02-23T20:36:00.000-08:00

This song is God's words to us. So beautiful the way He pursues us.

Lyrics:
You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

Fantastic!

2009-02-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

... that is how I would describe my weekend.

It started out with one hour of sleep before chauffeuring the people I live with off to the airport at O-dark-thirty in the morning. After returning from one of my favorite places (the airport) I focused my attentions on sleep. Waking up at noon would give me a total of five hours of sleep that night. woohoo! It turned out to be more like four hours though... my brother called and texted and texted some more and called again while I was trying to sleep. Perhaps I should have given up entirely but I was determined to sleep til noon. I was victorious. It was after noon when I finally got up to face the day. What a glorious day it was too! The sun was out in all its glory and the sky was speckled with clouds.
Plans for the afternoon... spend time with my brother (the one who had been calling and texting while I was TRYING to sleep).
I picked him up at my moms house and we went to my favourite coffee shop on South Hill... cafe Adamo. Over the past couple months while my broski has been home we have spent heaps of time together and gotten close again. One of our favourite things to do at Adamo is to play Mancala (a strategy game with marbles and a wooden board with 14 holes in it). My brother and I have taken two months to get really good at this game and he has beaten me countless times of late. So Saturday it was my turn. He was winning at the beginning. He thought he had the game in the bag. Then... as if some kind of miracle... I turned it around and won! Victory!
We headed home and then my broski found out that his next plan for the day had been postponed. I had an idea to do something fun, something that was on my list of things to do before I die. And my brother is one of those people who will do random things most of the time so I was hoping he would be game. I told him my plan and he was stoked!
We headed to our destination. As we pulled onto the lot I could scarcely believe my eyes. Hundreds of Mini Coppers were all lined up just waiting for me to take them out for a spin. I didn't need hundreds. Just one would do. So we found a shiny silver one and soon I was behind the wheel. It was a beautiful thing. Makes me giddy to talk about it still. Took me all night to calm down about it. Maybe some day I will have a mini of my own.

Sunday morning I took my brother to the bus station. He left to go to trucker school. Ha! It sounds so funny. I hope he enjoys it though. He loves to travel. It is good for him to be doing something again. He has been searching for something for quite some time. After dropping my brother off I headed home. I was intending on going to church this morning. When I got back to the house though... my bed would not have it. I was sucked into a very deep sleep and did not wake up until... noon! woohoo! Oh how I love to sleep in!
It was a lazy afternoon and the sun was beaming again. I soaked in the rays and readied myself for a fun evening of Oscars. Not wanting to watch the Oscars at home with Bubba the cat... I invited myself over to the Dill's to watch with friends. It was a fun evening. I can't say that any of the winners were big surprises. My friend Paul had almost every winner predicted correctly. I really enjoyed the big musical number and the way the prior best actors and actresses announced the nominees. It was a special night. And I almost forgot to mention that Janet, Larry, and Paul created some delicious delights which we nibbled on during the Oscars. My favourite were the crab cakes and sliders. mmmm. mmmm. good.
My weekend was fantastic! Thats all there is to it.

Photo Tag

2009-02-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

Vicky tagged me. :)

Here are the rules:

1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.
2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the photo.
4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun.

So, I went to my fourth folder and there were two folders within that folder... so you get two pictures! These are both from a couple of my MANY trips to Cannon Beach, Oregon. My favourite place in the US!

Marissa and I were at a restaurant and I had a knife... need I say more.

Another CB trip with Marissa. We were apparently bringing sexy back that day!

Oh and I need to tag some readers!!

1. Sonja and Cam (you are one)
2. Angie
3. Katie Laine
4. Joey and Suzanne (you are one)

I am in dire need of another trip to my favourite place in the US! Haven't been since November. I am long overdue. So if anyone wants to take a day trip or a weekend trip to the serene town that so warms my heart and soul... let me know!

Randomness x 25

2009-02-01T15:25:00.000-08:00

So if you want to do this thing where you have to write 25 things about yourself I would love to hear/read about them... so I am not going to tag anyone but just hope that I will get to learn more random things about my friends some time soon. I love randomness! So you sharing with me will only increase the warm and fuzzy feelings I have for you as a dear friend.

Now to my random list:

1. I have a dent in my forehead. I fell off a slide when I was 2 1/2 years old onto a concrete driveway. Miraculously it did not break the skin or my skull... just a perma-dent. No wise cracks about other long term effects.

2. The list of countries in the world I have been to is longer than the list of states in the US I have visited. So far my count is 16 countries. My travel itch needs some scratching real soon. It has been almost a year since I got on a plane! uugh!

3. I have a scar on my left hand that looks like a caterpillar.
Thanks BJ!

4. In one week I watched Pride and Prejudice more than ten times. No explanation needed.

5. I am a lactard. Lactard = one who is lactose intolerant. And I just ate a delicious gourmet grilled cheese sandwich. I know... I know.

6. My parents married and divorced each other twice.

7. I have a thing for men in uniform. Sailors in particular make me blush for no reason.

8. If I had a super power it would be... to be able to be in multiple places at the same time.

9. When I was in high school I missed more than 60 days a year of school junior AND senior year. And I still graduated with a decent GPA! Miracle!

10. My favourite number is 10... I was born on the 10th of November. But oddly enough I despise 10 dollar bills. They rub me the wrong way. So odd. I know. And I like spelling favourite like other parts of the world do. It looks prettier.

11. Some day I hope to live in a different country. I would like to live in Edinburgh, Scotland for a few years.

12. When I get my BSN (bachelors of science in nursing) degree, it is heavy on my heart to go to Africa for a couple months to a couple years at a time with health care skills.

13. I drive a Saturn Ion and I call her Bella Bling. Because she has nice headlights and is a shiny beautiful silver.

14. Breaking into song is a normal and naturally occurring event throughout my day. Anything said by anyone could and will trigger the words of a song to come to my mind thus breaking out in song.

15. I have five nieces, an older sister (Melissa, 30, 4 nieces belong to her), two younger brothers (BJ, 26, one niece belongs to him; Nick, 25), two step-sisters (Tara, not sure how old she is, oh! she has 3 kids! that means I have another niece and two nephews! sweet!; And Tawni, 18), and a step brother (Joel, I don't know how old he is either and I have never met him, I think he has kids too!)

16. If you are one of my "youth girlies" you will be one forever! Even when I am and old wrinkly saggy grandma!

17. My favourite place to day trip to is Cannon Beach, Oregon. It takes about 3 hours of drive time to get there. It has been two months since my last day trip.

18. When I was a kid I wanted to be a pediatric heart surgeon, a marine biologist, a teacher, and a mom.

19. I was not allowed to play with Barbie's as a kid. Instead my sister and I had a ridiculously large collection of My Little Pony's. Seriously. We had at least a hundred. And to go with them: four houses and a pool and... you get the picture.

20. I LOVE ICE CREAM! (see #5... I know. I know.)Sorbet is my backup... though I recently fell in love with coconut gelato. It changed my life.

21. When I was at a NY airport I traveled on a bus about two arm lengths away from Geraldo Rivera. He was wearing a black leather jacket and jeans. He was talking on a cell phone the entire time.

22. I like to read about the Amish. (Beverly Lewis is one of my favourite Christian authors who grew up near Lancaster County and has quite a few mini series about the Amish)

23. As a nine year old I golfed on a team and received a trophy that proclaimed "most improved player of the year". I think I must have been pretty bad to start out!
ps. I only put-put now.

24. My sister and I had a friendship bracelet business when I was 8 & 9 years old. We sold them and took orders at the Twin Lakes Country Club.

25. I always talk about "when I win the lottery" as if it is really going to happen... and yet I rarely ever buy a ticket. silly. I know.

Hope you enjoyed a bit of my randomness! I sure enjoy being random!

Baby Henley

2009-01-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

This morning just after 2am I received a text saying that Cheramie was in labor. The friend that texted me, Katie, had taken a sleeping pill to get to sleep and was in no way able to drive but wanted to go to the birth center. I was still awake... hadn't yet fallen asleep... so I hopped in my car to get Katie and go meet the little one who would soon be coming into the world.
Katie and I got to the birthing center just before 3am and joined Amy, Patty, and Adam's dad in the waiting room. At 3:10am we heard the cries of joy from momma Cheramie, daddy Adam, and little baby Henley.
We waited for about ten minutes and then a proud daddy walked into room and announced the arrival of their little boy. Solomon Mack Henley. Weighing in at 7 pounds 14 ounces. Length of 20 inches.
So I have nieces only so far... so its ok for me to say he is one of the cutest little baby boys I have ever seen! Everyone will be happy to know he has dimples... and the cutest lips.
He is truly a miracle baby. God protected and preserved his life as was prayed over him when he was just beginning to develop in his mommas womb. Amazing. I am in awe yet again of how awesome our God is.
Congratulations Adam and Cheramie! I love you both and am so happy to see the beginning of your beautiful family!

Live

2009-01-21T23:52:00.000-08:00

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

~unknown

Wishes

2009-01-20T01:03:00.000-08:00

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

~Maya Angelou

carpe diem

2009-01-13T22:01:00.000-08:00

carpe diem is something I learned from one of my favorite movies. The movie is Dead Poets Society. carpe diem means... SEIZE THE DAY!

how many of my days do I let go by without seizing the moment?
I don't know how old I will grow to be.
I don't know if Jesus is coming back in my lifetime.

This is one of my favorite quotes of the movie. If you haven't seen it. You should.

John Keating(the teacher at an all boys school describing the photos and trophy's of past students in a hallway glass display case): They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

so boys and girls. I dare you. I dare you to seize each and every day. make your life... the only life you have got... EXTRAORDINARY!!

pink fluffy stuff

2009-01-12T00:05:00.000-08:00

The other day I had the joy of celebrating Christmas (in January) with my extended family. It was a blast. I have some amazing cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings. We laughed at ton and ate delicious foods that we have grown up having at our family gatherings. Something that I really enjoy is the pink fluffy stuff my aunt Bobbie always makes. It is a dessert... but we have it with dinner like jello. Has anyone else ever had pink fluffy stuff? Is there something wonderful but a bit weird that your family traditionally has at your gatherings? I am just curious. I am sure my family isn't the only one that does things a little differently. I hope you share some of your weird traditions with me.

Emergency Numbers

2009-01-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

When in sorrow... Call John 14
When men fail you... Call Psalm 27
If you want to be fruitful/If people seem unkind... Call John 15
When you have sinned... Call Psalm 51
When you worry... Call Matthew 6:19-34
When you are in danger... Call Psalm 91
When God seems far away... Call Psalm 139
When your faith needs stirring... Call Hebrews 11
When you are lonely and fearful... Call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical... Call 1 Cor. 13
For Paul's secret to happiness... Call Col. 3:12-17
For the idea of Christianity... Call 1 Cor. 5:15-19
When you feel down and out... Call Romans 8:31
When you want peace and rest... Call Matthew 11:25-30
When the world seems bigger than God... Call Psalm 90
When you want Christian assurance... Call Romans 8:1-30
When you leave home for labor or travel... Call Psalm 121
When your prayers grow narrow and selfish... Call Psalm 67
For a great invention/opportunity... Call Isaiah 55
When you want courage for a task... Call Joshua 1
How to get along with fellow men... Call Romans 12
When you think of investments/returns... Call Mark 10
If you are depressed... Call Psalm 27
If your pocketbook is empty... Call Psalm 37
If discouraged about your work... Call Psalm 126
If you find your world growing small and yourself great... Call Psalm 19

Emergency numbers may be dialed direct. All lines to heaven are open 24/7!
Feed your faith, and doubt will starve to death!

I Asked

2009-01-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

I asked God for strength that I might achieve.
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy.
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.

-author unknown

tough night of sleep

2009-01-07T18:16:00.000-08:00

last night I decided to try to go to sleep earlier than I have the past week. so at a 1:30am I turned out the lights and closed my eyes. some of you may know that my right ear has been having issues for the last few weeks. last night was a tough one for my ear. It felt like I had a cold draft going directly into my ear and no matter how I moved around it was just impossible to get comfortable. The last time I looked at the clock it was almost 3:30am. I dozed off and not even an hour later I woke up to moisture on my face. I thought my ear drum had ruptured... and then I felt a drip on my head. I quickly turned a light on and found that there was water dripping from a screw in the tract my closet door would hang from if I hadn't removed them. It was the middle of the night and I was not about to wake up the family that I live with. So I went into the bathroom where a large bin filled with materials being used to demolish the bathroom was located. I found some plumbers putty and gobbed some putty into the area where the drip was coming from. I placed a towel on my bed where the drip was originally felt and rearranged myself on a dry area of my bed. then tried to fall asleep again. my ear was back to having some issues. it took me another hour to fall back asleep. to my chagrin I awoke again at 9:30 to the sound of demolition in the bathroom. a wall and a vanity were being removed. this went on for two hours. needless to say. it was not the best night of sleep.

budget busting books

2009-01-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

it is absolutely ridiculous how much books cost these days for a college student. last quarter, if I had paid full price for my books, it would have cost over $500! this quarter, if I had paid full price for my books, it would have cost $700!!! three classes... thats all folks. God is good and so far my books are only up to $345. I have one more book to find and I am still praying for another awesome deal! If I find better deals I may return a couple books and be under $300 for the quarter! That would be incredible! And mean I have extra money for things like coffee, shampoo, deodorant, makeup, and food too. might have to get a little job this quarter to ensure I can have the essentials. I want to make friends at school not repel them because I can't afford deodorant! ha! let me know if you know of a little weekend only job or people needing house/animal sitters. I love to take care of pets and houses too! God has and always will be my provider. There is not a doubt in my mind that He will take care of my every need for the quarter... and the rest of my life as well. I am blessed. Blessed to be in the hands of an amazing Heavenly Father, blessed to be in school, blessed to have a place to live for free, blessed to live less than a mile from school, blessed to have amazing friends and family who love and support me. Who cares if books are expensive. I am blessed beyond all the words and pages in those (really freakin big and heavy) books together!

begin again and OLOGY

2009-01-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

its time for classes to start again.

this quarter my schedule consists of:
anatomy & physiology II
microbiology
AND
cultural anthropology

so... a lot of -OLOGY apparently. which means... the study of. coincident? I think not. in school one must study a ton. so I am going to get my study on again studying the study of a few fantastic subjects. I will appreciate all of your prayers again this quarter. I am excited to be taking classes at the campus that is less than a mile away from my house. this will make getting to class even with random winter weather less of a concern. my commute to school goes from 25-40 minutes (depending on the time of day) down to less than five minutes. awesome! and if I walk... a little bit longer. I have to practically climb a mountain and this bod is out of shape! maybe I will make a goal to walk to school on my short days. monday and wednesday I only have class from 2-3:30pm. that is totally attainable. and it is still light out so I don't have to worry about the boogie man getting me.
anywho. I am excited to get back to my studies. it has been a great few weeks off and I have had plenty of time to rest and visit with friends and family. this quarter is starting and getting me closer to the goal God has placed on my heart. it is exciting! woohoo! I love watching the quarters go by. makes me feel like the future that I so long for is not so far away.

ps. random OLOGY. as I was looking for ology info... I learned some cool random facts.
did you know that jellyfish are 95% water?
did you know that eagles can't hunt when its raining?
did you know that at old english weddings the guests threw shoes at the groom?

glad I could enlighten you.

my name means supplanter

2009-01-04T15:47:00.000-08:00

Good article from the TIMES... thanks Auntie Katie!

December 27, 2008
As an atheist, I truly believe Africa needs God
Missionaries, not aid money, are the solution to Africa's biggest problem - the crushing passivity of the people's mindset

Matthew Parris

Before Christmas I returned, after 45 years, to the country that as a boy I knew as Nyasaland. Today it's Malawi, and The Times Christmas Appeal includes a small British charity working there. Pump Aid helps rural communities to install a simple pump, letting people keep their village wells sealed and clean. I went to see this work.

It inspired me, renewing my flagging faith in development charities. But travelling in Malawi refreshed another belief, too: one I've been trying to banish all my life, but an observation I've been unable to avoid since my African childhood. It confounds my ideological beliefs, stubbornly refuses to fit my world view, and has embarrassed my growing belief that there is no God.

Now a confirmed atheist, I've become convinced of the enormous contribution that Christian evangelism makes in Africa: sharply distinct from the work of secular NGOs, government projects and international aid efforts. These alone will not do. Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people's hearts. It brings a spiritual transformation. The rebirth is real. The change is good.

I used to avoid this truth by applauding - as you can - the practical work of mission churches in Africa. It's a pity, I would say, that salvation is part of the package, but Christians black and white, working in Africa, do heal the sick, do teach people to read and write; and only the severest kind of secularist could see a mission hospital or school and say the world would be better without it. I would allow that if faith was needed to motivate missionaries to help, then, fine: but what counted was the help, not the faith.

But this doesn't fit the facts. Faith does more than support the missionary; it is also transferred to his flock. This is the effect that matters so immensely, and which I cannot help observing.
First, then, the observation. We had friends who were missionaries, and as a child I stayed often with them; I also stayed, alone with my little brother, in a traditional rural African village. In the city we had working for us Africans who had converted and were strong believers. The Christians were always different. Far from having cowed or confined its converts, their faith appeared to have liberated and relaxed them. There was a liveliness, a curiosity, an engagement with the world - a directness in their dealings with others - that seemed to be missing in traditional African life. They stood tall.

At 24, travelling by land across the continent reinforced this impression. From Algiers to Niger, Nigeria, Cameroon and the Central African Republic, then right through the Congo to Rwanda, Tanzania and Kenya, four student friends and I drove our old Land Rover to Nairobi.
We slept under the stars, so it was important as we reached the more populated and lawless parts of the sub-Sahara that every day we find somewhere safe by nightfall. Often near a mission.

Whenever we entered a territory worked by missionaries, we had to acknowledge that something changed in the faces of the people we passed and spoke to: something in their eyes, the way they approached you direct, man-to-man, without looking down or away. They had not become more deferential towards strangers - in some ways less so - but more open.
This time in Malawi it was the same. I met no missionaries. You do not encounter missionaries in
the lobbies of expensive hotels discussing development strategy documents, as you do with the big NGOs. But instead I noticed that a handful of the most impressive African members of the Pump Aid team (largely from Zimbabwe) were, privately, strong Christians. “Privately” because the charity is entirely secular and I never heard any of its team so much as mention religion while working in the villages. But I picked up the Christian references in our conversations. One, I saw, was studying a devotional textbook in the car. One, on Sunday, went off to church at dawn for a two-hour service.

It would suit me to believe that their honesty, diligence and optimism in their work was unconnected with personal faith. Their work was secular, but surely affected by what they were. What they were was, in turn, influenced by a conception of man's place in the Universe that Christianity had taught.

There's long been a fashion among Western academic sociologists for placing tribal value systems within a ring fence, beyond critiques founded in our own culture: “theirs” and therefore best for “them”; authentic and of intrinsically equal worth to ours.

I don't follow this. I observe that tribal belief is no more peaceable than ours; and that it suppresses individuality. People think collectively; first in terms of the community, extended family and tribe. This rural-traditional mindset feeds into the “big man” and gangster politics of the African city: the exaggerated respect for a swaggering leader, and the (literal) inability to understand the whole idea of loyal opposition.

Anxiety - fear of evil spirits, of ancestors, of nature and the wild, of a tribal hierarchy, of quite everyday things - strikes deep into the whole structure of rural African thought. Every man has his place and, call it fear or respect, a great weight grinds down the individual spirit, stunting curiosity. People won't take the initiative, won't take things into their own hands or on their own shoulders.

How can I, as someone with a foot in both camps, explain? When the philosophical tourist moves from one world view to another he finds - at the very moment of passing into the new - that he loses the language to describe the landscape to the old. But let me try an example: the answer given by Sir Edmund Hillary to the question: Why climb the mountain? “Because it's there,” he said.

To the rural African mind, this is an explanation of why one would not climb the mountain. It's... well, there. Just there. Why interfere? Nothing to be done about it, or with it. Hillary's further explanation - that nobody else had climbed it - would stand as a second reason for passivity.
Christianity, post-Reformation and post-Luther, with its teaching of a direct, personal, two-way link between the individual and God, unmediated by the collective, and unsubordinate to any other human being, smashes straight through the philosphical/spiritual framework I've just described. It offers something to hold on to to those anxious to cast off a crushing tribal groupthink. That is why and how it liberates.

Those who want Africa to walk tall amid 21st-century global competition must not kid themselves that providing the material means or even the knowhow that accompanies what we call development will make the change. A whole belief system must first be supplanted.
And I'm afraid it has to be supplanted by another. Removing Christian evangelism from the African equation may leave the continent at the mercy of a malign fusion of Nike, the witch doctor, the mobile phone and the machete.

concert at adamo

2009-01-03T21:52:00.000-08:00

Prefunk.
Orange san pellegrino & Muenster grilled cheese sandwiches on garlic sourdough bread

Tom Rorem & Noah Gundersen
So I forgot to take pictures of Tom. He was very passionate in lyrics and delivery of his music. Enjoyed him for the most part. He wore a red flannel shirt and khaki carhart pants.
As for Gundy and crew (Michael Rabb on keyboard and tambourine)... I took one photo. He is a great musician and has an artistic ability that few can compare to. And he is so young. He is only 19 or 20 years old. I got lost in the music on several occasions and found myself being taken away as the sounds from the guitar, keyboard, and violin crescendoed awakening my musical soul.

It was fun to take in the sounds of great musicians with my friend Katie and about 20 others crammed into cafe adamo.

happy new year!

2008-12-31T23:27:00.000-08:00

~this radical outfit was created by me a few hours before the event... you may not see it... but my hair is crimped! amazing!~

~the party animals~

~what a tubular time we had~

~groovy goodies and bodacious beverages~

~me and my besties~

to welcome in 2009 we decided to have an 80s party. i always love a reason to dress up and have fun with friends. it was fantastic. we looked totally tubular. awesome dude! it was like the best like time i have like had in like a really long like time! we played apples to apples. had delicious organic reisling wine. and watched the ball drop in time square then the "bitchin" fireworks at the space needle. fun time with friends were had. uber wunderbar!

Happy Christmas

2008-12-25T12:08:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was extra special because my sister was in town with all of my nieces. As many of you know... my family is a bit scattered. In more ways than just location. Together my sis and nieces and my mom went to get a Christmas tree. Then they came back and I got to help them put up the tree and decorate it. I have missed having a live tree for the past couple years. The smell was intoxicating and induced years of Christmas memories at the first wiff. It was so special watching the girls decorate the Christmas tree and lifting them up high to place ornaments on the branches at the top of the tree. Christmas through the eyes of a child is something so unique. We also had fun projects to work on each day. There were Christmas door hangers, Christmas reindeer, Christmas cookies, and so much more! I received precious hand written notes from the girls too. They just blessed my socks off! Christmas day after opening presents my sis took Natalie to the ER because of an infection on her face (thought it was a spider bite gone bad) and the rest of us girls stayed home and did pedicures. They were so adorable! We filled up a giant plastic tub and sat on chairs (little Mea -3- sat on a garbage bin) and we all stuck our feet in the the warm water. They squealed and giggled with delight... and so did I! So fun! I think pedicures should be a regular part of Christmas! What a joy to spend so much time with family this Christmas! I watched more Christmas movies than ever before. Camped out on my moms couch nursing a cold and an ear infection. It helped me get some much needed down time I suppose. I am so thankful for my family this Christmas. What a happy Christmas it was!

St Nicholas Surprise

2008-12-23T12:41:00.000-08:00

I was coming to terms with my brother Nick being in Florida this Christmas when he called and told me that he wanted to come home. We decided that it should be a surprise for my mom and didn't tell because then she would be extra excited coming to find out that all of her kids would be home for Christmas this year.
So my brother got a flight out of West Palm Beach, Florida on the Sunday before Christmas. His connecting flight in St. Paul Minnesota to Seattle was canceled because of all the snow that blanketed the northwest thus shutting down the airport. Nick was stuck in St. Paul with no money. After staying the night in the airport and being given gifts of food by strangers he got on a midnight flight to Las Vegas... getting him a little closer to home. After arriving there he asked to be placed on standby on all flights to Seattle or Portland. That morning he was seated on a plane to Seattle and before they left the terminal they bumped him off the flight. bummer. he was back to waiting. hours later he got on a flight to Portland. trying to work out how we were going to drive to get him in Portland was nearly impossible. the weather in Portland was worse than Seattle. so dad bought him a train ticket. his flight would get in at 3:30pm and his train was scheduled to depart at 4:25pm. The train station was 45 minutes away from the airport. It would be a close call. His flight got in on time and with money from a kind stranger on his last flight he found his way to the bus station and got on a bus to the train station. He arrived at the train station at 5:40pm. Low and behold the train was delayed two hours. His train was the only train leaving the station to Tacoma... and it just happened to be delayed enough that he would be able to catch it home! Nick was picked up in Tacoma by my dad a little after 10pm on the evening of the 22nd. It took four planes, a bus, a train, and my dad... to get him home for Christmas.
The next day (the 23rd) was my moms birthday. She woke up still not knowing that my brother was home. He slept in the back bedroom at her house where she thought I was sleeping. Though he had a deep cough that she heard... I was fighting a cold so she just thought my cough had gotten REALLY bad.
My sis showed up to the house about 10am with her kids in tow and yelled to mom as she entered the house... did you get your present yet?! did you get your present yet!!? Mom was confused and said... what are you talking about? sis spilled the beans and said... Nick! mom turned around in the hallway and was immediately embraced by her birthday present. Nick was home for her birthday and would be there for Christmas too! what a fun surprise! It is so wonderful to have Nick home!

faithful to complete it

2008-12-15T11:51:00.000-08:00

This has been the hardest quarter of my college education thus far. hence the lack of blogging and the lack of spending time doing anything other than studying hours upon hours. I am so in awe of all the happened this quarter. God brought me through a time of trusting Him for provision. I saw all of my college expenses get paid for including books. He also brought some unique friendships through classmates. I was challenged to grasp so much information at a time and yet felt like I was able to give back and share my testimony with my new study buddies. Amazing. This quarter I took Anatomy & Physiology I, Statistics, and Human Nutrition. All tons of information. My A&P class had a lab as well so it was like an additional class because we were simultaneously learning different things and being tested on them. It was nuts! At the end of the quarter I look back and am so glad that I made it through. God definitely was the reason for that. He told me He would enable me if I put in the effort. So I finished my courses above the goals I had set for myself and meeting the requirements to get into the RN program. AWESOME!! I was not sure if I was going to have to repeat at least one of these classes because of not meeting the minimum requirements for the RN program. God is so good! And this is only the beginning. There is so much more to come in my education and future endeavors. I am excited for the future. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. I could not have made it through the quarter without you! God has began a good work and He is so faithful I know He will complete it!!

Report card:
Anatomy & Physiology 3.3 (needed a 3.0 for the RN program)
Statistics 2.6 (needed a 2.0 for the RN program)
Human Nutrition 4.0 (needed a 3.0 for the RN program)

28 LOVES

2008-11-19T15:31:00.000-08:00

I am a lover not a hater... so my list of 28 things that was requested by my friend for my 28th birthday last week will be about 28 things that I LOVE! (these are in no specific order)

1- My Friends! - I have some amazing people in my life that make me laugh, challenge me, and have given me so many wonderful memories I can not count them all. I love you friends!

2- My Family! - I have such a colorful family. They are like a crazy quilt. But it has been my family that has taught me how to love, my family challenges me the most. Because of my family I have learned how to forgive, how to love, and how to hope! I love you family!

3- Cannon Beach! - My favourite place in the whole wide world! I have been blessed to have been traveling to this beautiful little beach town for the past 23 years of my life. There is piece of my heart that only comes alive in this place. Gorgeous!

4- Edinburgh, Scotland! - My next favourite place in the whole wide world! It also includes one of my favourite people in the whole wide world! Josephine!

5- Education! - It is such a joy to be finally in school and each day getting closer to the goal of being a medical missionary

6- Tiramisu! - Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Need I say more. Nope. Not really. But my bosom friend Ang and I celebrated my b-day last week with an enormous piece of Tiramisu from Mama Stortini's. It was amazing!

7- Bike rides! - I have a beautiful Blue Electra Townie that rebirthed my love for riding this past summer. I miss spending so much time on the trials. Soon I will live closer to school and will be able to ride my townie again! Woot!

8- Laughter! - It truly is the best medicine. There have been countless days in my life where laughing has turned the unhappy moments into ridiculously silly moments. I love to laugh! HA HA HA HA! Loud and long and clear!

9- Africa! - So when I left Africa in 2001, there was a piece of my heart that I left behind. My heart aches to be whole again and some day I will go back to Africa and find wholeness as my heart is full again and filled up as I do the work God has called me to.

10- Ice cream! - I love Ice Cream! Breyers all natural original flav is the best... and there is a seasonal Bailey's Irish Cream flav that shows up on the shelves in the winter. Mmmmm. My mouth is watering.

11- 11:11! - Ha! I love to have special times to remember special people or times to pray for friends or just a reason to get excited. 11:11 is awesome! This year on 11/11 at 11:11 my friend Rach sent me a message and that was rad! I am looking forward to 11/11/11... thinking there might be something big to celebrate. I will have a party for sure!

12- Mount Rainier! - Whenever I leave this place and come home I realize how blessed I am to live in such a beautiful place. This mountain takes my breath away and makes me speechless on so many days. We truly have an awesome creator!

13- Seasons! - I love watching the seasons change and feeling the change in temperature. I love comparing our lives to the seasons. We are ever changing.

14- Moving! - I love moving! I am somewhat of a nomad. It has not been a habit of mine to stay in one place for a long period of time. I just recently realized that I have been at my current address for over a year! Hoping to be there another year at least. Wow!

15- Chocolate! - I am female. I love chocolate. My fav is milk chocolate. The best kind, in my humble opinion, is Lindt milk chocolate with the filling. Mmmmmmm!

16- Shopping! - I love to shop! Before 6 months ago I would have called myself a shopoholic. It was something I could do every day if I had the funds. I made a goal for myself to go one year without buying new clothes. It has been almost 7 months. I have maintained not buying any new clothes for that long. I still love to shop and have become a "personal shopping assistant" for friends who need help sprucing up their wardrobes.

17- My youth girls! - My youth girls are no longer youth but in their 20s and some are married, some have graduated from college, some have steady jobs, some are still in process. I just love that I still get to be a part of their lives!

18- Italian Food! - My weakness is Chicken Fetticini Alfredo. Wow. Mmmm.

19- Technology! - I have friends all over the world. Because of how awesome technology is I can still communicate and see my friends when our schedules meet up. Amazing! I love technology!

20- My Car! - I am so blessed to be in the 2% of the world that owns a car. I fully own my car too! Paid it off in January of this year. I love that it gets me from A to B and has AC for the hot days in the summer, and a CD player to entertain me when the radio or my thoughts need to be drowned out.

21- YWAM! - I love what God did in my life during my time at YWAM! It was an amazing life changing experience. I will never be the same again.

22- Music! - I get taken away to another place while listening and singing music. Love it! Can't imagine life without it!

23- The Beach! - I love the beach... yeah CB is my favourite beach... However, I love all beaches! Even the ones in Africa that were covered in poo. Beaches are beautiful and the sea spray and smell refreshes my soul!

24- Traveling! - I love to travel! Seeing as much of the world as I possibly can is a goal of mine. This world is so big and we are such a small part of it. I want to explore all of God's beautiful creation!

25- Sleep! - I am a major sleeper! Sleeping in is one of those things that everyone should get to do on a semi-regular basis. I love to sleep... and people love me to get sleep too! I can be a grumpy pants if I don't get enough of it.

26- Cafe Adamo! - My favourite coffee shop. A little cafe that has the best coffee in Puyallup... probably the best coffee in the Northwest! The people that work there are pretty amazing too. They know my name and care about me as a person too! I love Adamo!

27- Reading! - I love to get lost for a day within the pages of a good book. Some of my favs are written by Beverly Lewis, Lurlene McDaniel, and Dee Henderson. Yep... I like reading about the Amish, young people with life threatening illnesses, and Christain action adventure. Hey. It's whatever floats my boat!

28- Life! - I love to be alive! Living life every day is such a gift! I am blessed by everything above. All of these loves enrich my life! God has blessed me with so many wonderful people, adventures, and things. I have an amazing life that I hope will forever be a living testimony for God's goodness!

Thanks for listening to my loves! I love you!

were has the time gone?

2008-11-16T01:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted for two weeks. To say it simply. I have been busy. Overwhelmed with massive amounts of information, trying to grasp every concept, cram every method and sliver of information I may need to remember to succeed in my classes. God has provided for me in awesome ways. When He told me to go back to school He told me that He would do His part, and I had to do my part. So I am holding up my end of the deal. And it is taking a LOT of focus. A LOT of determination. And a LOT of extra study hours. This has unmistakably been my most challenging quarter as of yet. There are only 14 class days left until the end of the quarter. I am pressing in even more to try to attain a GPA that will enable me to be eligible to apply to nursing programs. Thank you for all of your prayers this quarter! And thank you for understanding when I can't "come out and play". And also recognizing when I need a break and forcing me to have a day or few hours of fun. I love you friends! This time is so much easier to endure knowing I have your love, prayers, and support!

2...8...

2008-11-10T01:27:00.000-08:00

I am official 2 years away from 30. woah! how did that happen?! I was 22, seems like a few months ago. I don't feel like I am 28 thats for sure.
Thanks to all of you friends who love me! I am so blessed to be loved by you!

I was asked by one of my friends to write a list with 28 things on it.
What kind of list do I want to write?
Bucketlist? Dreams? Goals? Favourite moments in life? Favourite ice cream flavours?

No Shave November

2008-11-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

Thats right. It is officially time to put away the razors, nair, waxing strips, and epilators. One month of shorter times in the shower, less layers while sleeping, and warmer body temperatures are here. My little brother and his friends used to do this when they were in college and by the end of the month they would all have fun looking facial hair. Thankfully I do not posses the genes to grow a beard... but I do get cold in the winter and not shaving for a month is something worth rejoicing about. I know some of my married friends may be unable to participate in this challenge. Or maybe you and your hubbies can complete this challenge together. This challenge is not meant for one sex alone. Let us all come together and grow... some hair. Some may think it gross to have hair. But I will assure you that God made us this way and He was NOT the man who invented razors. So bring on the warmth ladies and gents. Lets see who can make it to the end of No Shave November with the best outcome... you can determine what that may be. Bring on the warm fuzzies! Have fun!

Flirty Fun

2008-10-25T00:39:00.000-07:00

Does he know that the compliment made my day?
Does he know that his smile tickled my thoughts?
Does he know that I was distracted for hours because of his flirting?
Does he know that I hope to run into him again?

I don't know.

But I do know that being flirted with is delightful.
To all of my readers out there.
Get your flirt on.
It is way more fun to be flirty. way.

Moments of Today

2008-10-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today was a day spent in the presence of long time friends. This morning I picked up Rachael and Paul and we met Gerod at his house in west Seattle then went to visit his church Grace community. It was a delightful experience. Unlike any service I have ever been to but very comfortable and engaging. The music was more orchestral instrumental than the regular church band type I am used to... and more classical/hymnal in music choices as well. A positive experience. The message was challenging too.
After church we went to a little cafe a couple blocks away and had a delicious lunch. It felt like old times sitting round a table and enjoying each others company. These friends have shared many amazing moments in my life. It is so wonderful to me that today we added more amazing moments together. Sharing great fellowship, delicious foods, and even a trip to my favourite store in the world... H&M!!! Fabulous! I like to think that my special moments can be saved in a special memory box and wrapped all pretty with ribbons and colorful papers to be opened again some day and relived as those same special moments. I must have storehouses full of special moments already! One of these days I will unwrap a great deal of them!

goodbye beauty

2008-10-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

yesterday I found myself having to stop several times on my way to my car to take a few photos of the colors of fall that were taking my breath away. I was brought to the reality that soon the branches that were so vibrant and full of beauty, would shortly be bare and stark in comparison. It made me stare a little longer. Take in a deeper breath of crisp fall air. Enjoy the bite of the wind on my face. And even kick up some leaves that had already changed and fallen to the ground. At that moment I wished for a huge pile of leaves to jump into and a bunch of friends to have a leaf throwing "fight" with. Sigh. Oh the beauties of fall are quickly passing. Capture a moment before the season turns.

Big Headed

2008-10-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

Currently I am being challenged in my academic endeavors. I seem to be cramming so much information into my head that I am sure it has to be getting larger. I think it might be compared to when a woman is pregnant and a baby is growing inside her womb. Except my brain is growing! It must be! I get head aches! Thankfully I don't have any stretch marks yet! I am not retaining water... but am retaining massive amounts of information! If I keep at this rate through the next three quarters (not trimesters!), I am going to have one GIANT NOGGIN!

Shares, 401-K, and MPG

2008-10-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

This made me laugh... I don't really like beer so don't worry about me drinking 22 gallons a year :)

URGENT NEED FOR PRAYER

2008-10-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sent to us by Jose Sebastian via Isaac Pulladil urgent prayer request from YWAM missionaries in India . This is long but it is important we pray for these persecuted Christians. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to be one with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!
Dear beloved sponsors and friends of Good News India .

We have never seen anything like this. We knew that Orissa was the most resistant and hostile State in India as far as the Gospel is concerned. And we brushed off the continuous threats and harassment we faced as we went about His work. But none of our staff imagined that they would see this kind of carnage.... And it seems to be totally under the radar of the Western Media ....
Let me explain.... A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants, who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and "reconverting" people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown assailants in Central Orissa last weekend. Immediately the Christians were blamed. The cry rose up..."Kill the Christians!" And the horror began.... In the past 4 days, we have first hand witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered. For no other reason than they bear the name of Christ.

Night and day I have been in touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream Centers in Orissa... they a re right in the middle of all this chaos. In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of 70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home.
They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc. They have promised to come back and "finish the job." Our kids and staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer.
More police have come to offer protection. In Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our dream center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill everyone in the building. We would have had a mass fu neral there, but for His grace. In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned them away by saying that there were no Christians in this area. So they left. We had favor. The same thing happened in Balasore.

All our dreamcenters are under lock down with the kids and staff huddled inside and
police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance to kill. Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a Priest and a computer teacher in house and burned them to death. Many believers have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road.... even women and children.

At another orphanage run by another organization, when this began, the Director and his wife jumped on their motorbike and simply fled, leaving all the children and staff behind. Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken to said: "We stay with our kids.... we live together or die together, but we will never abandon what God has called us to do."

More than 5000 Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have
fled into the jungles and are living in great fear waiting for the authorities to bring about peace. But so far, no peace is foreseen. This will continue for another 10 days.... supposedly the 14 day mourning period for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will die and their houses destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed down. The Federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the Hand of God can calm this storm. None of us know the meaning of persecution. But now our kids and staff know what that means.

So many of our kids coming from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.
Through all this, I am more determined than ever to continue with our goal: the transformation of a community by transforming its children. Orissa will be saved... that is our heart's cry. If we can take these thousands of throw-away children and help them to become disciples of Jesus, they will transform an entire region. It is a long term goal, but it is strategic thinking in terms of the Great
Commission.

What can you do? First, please uphold all this in fervent prayer. Second, pass this on to as many friends as you can. We must get the word out and increase our prayer base for this is spiritual warfare at its most basic meaning. We are literally fighting the devil in order to live for His Kingdom. The next 10 days are
crucial. We pray for peace and calm to pervade across Orissa. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please pass it on and help us to get as many people to partner with us on this cutting edge effort to fulfill His mandate: Go and make disciples of all nations.... Prayer works!

Blessings, Chip & Sandy Wanner Col 2:2 MBI
Team Facilitators to YW AM frontlines

Are you serious?

2008-10-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the cashier's office at college after dropping off a scholarship application that would cover winter quarters tuition. I waited my turn in line. And sat down in the chair in front of the cashier office worker. I asked her if my Stafford Loan check came in. She reached into her file and I saw her pulling out some forms. She told me... "no the stafford loan funds are not here... but, it looks like there is a check... and it is grant money from the state need grant." ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! I am just in awe of how God is providing above and beyond what I could hope or imagine. I quickly went to the bank and deposited the funds. Paid some bills. And filled up the gas tank. God is so amazing! I am going to continue to share His awesomeness in my life. AWESOME!!

Dying Delima

2008-10-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

So I was playing around with a photo of mine the other day with picasa and changed my hair color to be a bit darker. I liked it so much that it prompted me to go out and buy some color for my hair. I love Feria products and have used them in the past when I would dye my hair blonde every 4-6 weeks. So I picked up the darkest shade of brown they had and made sure it wasn't a warm tone because my hair has a way of turning red every time I color it. So tonight after a fun day in Bellevue, and IKEA in Renton, I brought out the dye and followed the instructions to a T. When it was all said and done I thought it looked almost exactly the same... except... there might be a more red hue to my hair. sigh. I guess I am going to have to try again... maybe I will get some professional help this next time. Here is a cute picture of me while I waited for my hair to have its not so dramatic change. I smell like hair dye now. I have been two years without any hair color on my head so that is why this is blog worthy. Felt like I needed to justify myself for a moment... but really this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want, no matter how ridiculous it may be :)Thanks for reading! Love you friends!

Toast

2008-10-04T21:48:00.000-07:00

this is the state of me. I am toast. my brain has been zapped to the point of not functioning like it should. It is definitely well done, maybe quite burnt, but surely there has been a chemical change that puts me on the brink of crumbling to pieces. There is a miracle though... when I sleep my toasted state somehow reverts back to fresh fluffy delicious bread and I then go through the "toasting" process again that new day. Tomorrow is going to be a day where I almost stay out of the toaster completely. There will be church in Bellevue, browsing The Container Store, lunch and more browsing at IKEA, all the while delighting in the company of a dear friend. I am making it a goal to have one day per weekend where my brain does not get exhausted by the end. Tomorrow is going to be refreshing. Delicious! If wonder bread were natural... thats what kind of bread I would be tomorrow. :)

More Provisions!

2008-10-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

My A&P teacher GAVE me a book! Just GAVE it to me. I have been borrowing the book from her the past week and a half and today she asked to talk to me after class. She then asked me if I was waiting for a loan to then by a book or if I would be getting some type of voucher for a book. I told her I was waiting for a loan. And she asked if I would get to keep the money from my loan if I didn't have to buy a book. And I said yes of course. And then she said. I want to give you my book. You can keep it. It is yours now. My response was a rather loud... "Are you serious?!" And she smiled and responded calmly... "Yes." It took all that was in me NOT to jump up and down and give her a great big hug. Instead she got several thank yous from me and a smile from ear to ear. God is so amazing! I am blessed beyond words.

Stripping!

2008-10-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

Today I had the joy of stripping some ugly wallpaper border from the top of a bathroom wall for a friends mom. The stuff was very stubborn and so we had to use some potent chemicals and apply them at a few stages. I got to wear a cool mask and goggles, and eventually put on a hat when I was taking the gloss off of the ceiling. Oh what a fun day! My arms are sore. sigh. But boy do I love working on renovations! I am so excited for the next project! Can you tell I am excited and totally smiling in this picture? :)

Provisions! Provisions! Provisions!

2008-10-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

I never would have guessed that getting "let go" a couple months ago could be a blessing. Since this quarter of college started I have understood why I have been unable to get a job for almost two months. The amount of studies needed to do well in my classes (Anatomy&Physiology+Lab, Human Nutrition, and Statistics... Plus required study group and additional study groups for required projects)has been overwhelming. So much so that my eye has been twitching off and on since Saturday. I am trying to get enough sleep and some exercise/fresh air every day to ward off shingles( I have had them twice in the past and they can be stress induced). I have been waiting to find out about financial aid and grants for weeks. Monday I was told that I was awarded a grant that covered all of my tuition and then some! I also applied for a book fund scholarship last week and was awarded a free book for the quarter... one that normally costs $150! I am able to borrow books from my professors of my other two classes until my stafford loan comes through. Which I should have in a little over a week. This will take care of a need for a job and pay my bills so I can focus on doing well in school. Praise the Lord! He has provided in ways that I could not have thought up a couple months ago. Hind sight truly is 20/20. I need to remember that more often in the beginning of a "character builiding/learing experience/trial". Thank you for all of your prayers. I will still gladly accept them for the rest of the quarter. It is going to be tough. But I know that if God brought me to it... He will bring me through it! Money doesn't grow on trees... but God's provisions certainly supply ALL my needs!

Double Mamm!

2008-09-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

(the dreaded flattener!!)
Ok. Don't get upset with me. Just praise the Lord along with me!
For the past month or so I have been aware of a little lump in the tissue of my left mamm (I have two mamm's- a right and a left mamm). I have been researching about free mammograms, looking into affordable health care, and wondering about what to do... without telling anyone (except my mother).
Tonight I was reading a mentor mom's blog and she shared a testimony of being healed from Endometriosis. As soon as I read how she was healed I was like "DUH, I haven't asked for healing!" So I prayed right then and held onto my mamm. I finished reading my friends blog, it was long... and almost forgot about my mamm. I did a quick feel and didn't feel anything... so I did it again. Still nothing. So I searched and tried to find the exact place where it was. Nothing. No lump. The mamm is in perfect condition!! Miracle Mamms! Hurray! What a great day! Miracles are awesome! I serve a God who still does miracles today! Awesome!!

Pillow Talk

2008-09-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

This is the perfect pillow for my broski. Makes me miss him... but don't tell him I said so! Love you Nicklefritz!!

Ram Pride!

2008-09-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

Tis the season for Rams to kick butt!!
And here is Katie RAM(beck) flexing her RAM muscles and showing her RAM pride that never seems to diminish over the years. GO RAMS!!

Do Not Focus On The Wind

2008-09-26T00:57:00.000-07:00

Matthew 14:22-33 (New International Version)
Jesus Walks on the Water

...Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

My friend Sonja told me to read this passage before I went to bed tonight. In the past couple months I have seen myself losing sight of the Saviour and getting distracted and scared by the storm or circumstances that I am in the midst of. Focusing on the wind or trials does nothing except take away my trust in the Lord to keep me afloat. Focusing on the storm brings questions of whens and hows everything will be made right. Focusing on the water that seems to rise up around me makes me think that I am sinking. When I focus on the Lord rather than the wind, I see He is steadfast and I am protected. When I focus on the Lord rather than the storm, I see His perfect timing in answering the questions I have. When I focus on the Lord rather the water, I see He is not letting me sink but enabling me to walk on water with Him.
Focusing is crucial. I am praying for my focus to be fixed on my Savior, not distracted by circumstances, and held steadily by His loving hands.

I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
(Phil 4:13 exclamation added for personal emphasis)

Friend Ugly Office

2008-09-25T23:47:00.000-07:00

I was trying to arrange these three words in an order that would not hurt the feelings of the person I am referring to and also make it funny or uncouth(UFO-ugly friend office... funny but no... OFU-office friend ugly...nah... FOU-friend office ugly...you calling me a fou?... no... OUF-office ugly friend...nope...UOF-ugly office friend...not a chance...) friend you are not ugly. I think you are beautiful!! Today after a mind numbing, headache inducing, day ONE of statistics class... I went over to Kate's to enjoy two of our favorite shows. The Office premiered tonight and it was momentous as Stanley made AND achieved a personal goal, Ryan reared his head back in Scranton sporting a goatee, it was discovered that Angela and Dwight are still very interested in spending time together, and Jim finally proposed to Pam!! What a great night for The Office! I am looking forward to what this season has in store!Kate was kind enough to record Ugly Betty for me and waited to watch the show with me until after The Office. True friends share moments like that.Thanks Kate! It was fun watching Betty have some uncomfortable but world shaking moments of her own. She is making leaps and bounds towards growing up. It was thrilling for Kate and I to watch and think toward the future when we can do things like "get an apartment" and "take on more responsibilities at work"... fun times are on the horizon for Betty as well as me and my friend Kate.Thanks for sharing the premier night of both of my favorite shows Katie! You are amazing!

Not my Bill

2008-09-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

today I started back to school. woohoo! this is my last year of pre-reqs before I am able to get into an RN or BSN program. I am excited to get this intensive year underway. Excited to dig my heals in and stretch my brain beyond what I think is possible. A couple years ago when I started back to school with urging from the Lord, He told me to be faithful in my studies and He would be faithful to enable me. It really blows my mind to look back at the last two years and see how God equipped me in my studies.
This quarter I qualified for a grant! woohoo! A grant is free money, meaning I don't have to pay it back like a student loan. They just give it to me! Awesome! I am in the waiting period right now wondering how much this grant is for. The woman I have been working with at college told me the numbers should be in on Friday and that I will be receiving a check. So I am hoping that is enough to cover all of my tuition expenses and my books for the quarter. My books alone this quarter are almost $600!! Crazy! Yikes! It is reassuring to know that this bill is not mine but the Lords. He has called me to it and He will make a way for me to get through it! These past couple weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and lessons in trusting God for provision. He is so good. He is my provider. He is meeting my daily needs just as the bible tells me He will. Stay tuned for updates...

The song that my heart was singing today

2008-09-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

Downhere - Here I Am
From the album Ending Is Beginning

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

Girls Night In

2008-09-20T00:32:00.000-07:00

Take a bunch of women, stick them in an apartment, feed them dinner, AND dessert, add some MacGyver, and plenty of talking (ie laughter, silliness)... thats what I call a great evening!!

Last night a few of my friends and some new friends gathered at a mutual friends apartment (that was a lot of friends!). It was a low key night with a delicious chicken dish, fluffy fruit salad, salad salad, and my specialty smoothies for dessert. I am always reminded at the end of a girls night how much we as women need to be around each other occasionally to refresh, refuel, and, in a sense, rebirth. It is amazing to me how God made us to need to spend time with each other.

Thanks ladies for a great night!!

...Not Lacking Anything!!!

2008-09-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

JAMES 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
JAMES 1:12
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."

I was listening to a sermon tonight about a widow in 1st Kings Chapter 17. This widow had next to nothing, only the ingredients for one last meal of bread for herself and her son. It was at that time, in those dire circumstances, that God sent Elijah to her house for a meal. Elijah asked her to feed him first and then feed herself and her son. She agreed and the Lord filled her canisters of flour and oil each day for just enough every day. She was able to feed Elijah, herself, and her son. She was obedient and gave beyond what she thought she had. And yet God supplied enough to meet her needs each and every day.

This was a challenging sermon for me. I am currently without a job, have been for over a month, and yet God has provided means for me to clean, and do odd jobs to make just enough to pay the bills when the bills are due. He has provided me with a place to live where I do not have to pay rent, and where they so kindly allow me to share the food they have. I have had enough money to pay my bills this week and bring some food to my mom who is in need. God has reminded me that He is my supplier. He knows every need I have. He wants to fill my canisters every day for just enough for that day. He could give me a huge amount of money and provide an outrageous miracle... but providing enough for each day keeps me focused on His provisions now. It would be easy to lose sight of his miracle if I was given one lump sum. Instead He keeps blessing me each day as I look to my canisters and see enough for a meal, enough for a bill, enough for gas in my car, enough to share. God meets our needs, He knows our needs. He is our Provider. In the mean time this time of trusting and seeing Him work each day also shows me how to persevere during trials and to look to the Lord for the bread of life that sustains me. I want to be not lacking anything and to gain the crown of life! If trials are the only way, then so be it! I would rather be complete and have gone through trials than incomplete and never weathered a difficult time in my life.

Thank you Lord for showing me your hand during this time of testing. Help me to take hold of your hand and not get distracted by the lies of the enemy or my own fears. I am trusting you to be my Provider, today, tomorrow, and all the days after that! Thank you for showing me more of your goodness through this time in my life. I love you Lord!

Your Daughter,

Jami

WAIT?!

2008-09-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"

"'Wait?', you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting. . .for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save. . .(for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

-- Author Unknown

Plan To Be Surprised

2008-09-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

Thats all I've got...

PLAN TO BE SURPRISED!

Mafia Night

2008-09-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

No I am not a thug or a hit man. Tonight was a night of games that were played during the days of my youth. A fun group of adults gathered in the Miller home who could handle the mystery of murder, investigation, allegations, and trials. I was an angel twice in a row (unheard of!) and was killed early on both times! It was hard to determine who had my back in that game. I found out the hard way that my friends plotted my death. It was difficult to look them in the eyes after that.

A fun twist to tonight was creating the cards that we used for the game. Kate and I wrote up character descriptions for all of the necessary characters. It was fun being creative and silly. A few of the townspeople that I ensured were a part of the town included: Bob Ross (happy trees painter dude), Mr. Belding (famous principal from Saved By The Bell), and Dr. Phil (is he a doctor or a psychiatrist?). It was a fun filled and sweets filled evening. I have been blessed beyond words this summer with amazing memories with friends. Mafia night has been added to the list of awesome times with friends!

Do Not Be Dismayed

2008-09-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jeremiah 46:27 (New International Version)

"Do not fear, O Jacob my servant;
do not be dismayed, O Israel.
I will surely save you out of a distant place,
your descendants from the land of their exile.
Jacob will again have peace and security,
and no one will make him afraid.

9/11/01

2008-09-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

That evening in Tema, Ghana, West Africa, a telecast uniting the four corners of Africa was scheduled for the closing ceremonies of the conference that had been going on for the past week. We had finished the morning meetings and worship and it was past lunch time. Final prep for the dances that would be performed had been made. I was upstairs in the dorms of the Tema YWAM base when I heard someone screaming and crying and running through the courtyard out my window. The cries echoed through the staircase and then came to the doorway of my room. We were told to turn on our radio. We did. The BBC radio program was the closest thing to a news report that we would get for days. As a couple dozen students and staff crowded together in that room that was already filled with three bunk beds we listened as chills went down our arms and tears started to fall.

The radio was saying that a plane had crashed into the world trade center in New York. The radio also proclaimed that there were other planes headed to various places throughout the US. As we listened to reports the second plane crashed into the world trade center. Tears flowed at that point. Not knowing if our families were safe we were left to hope and pray. At this point I was at the end of a six month adventure called a Discipleship Training Program through Youth With A Mission. We were to fly out of the country the next day and all 70+ staff and students were very low on funds if not completely out. I had no money left to call home. Friends that did have the ability to call home were faced with busy phone lines continually. Fears won the battle of our minds for a time as we imagined the worst. The radio said planes were headed to major landmarks and bridges. They mentioned the Space Needle in Seattle and the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. My fears raced through my mind. Was my family ok? Were my friends far from harms way? When would I hear from my family again?

The closing ceremony began at the scheduled time but did not have the emphasis that had been planned. A few thousand people from all over the world gathered in the conference facility. The tear stained faces were not just the Americans represented, but faces from countries around the world. Dances and singing went on as planned. The telecast knit the four corners of Africa together in a unity that had not existed in the past. As the closing ceremonies went on a leader asked all of the Americans to go up on the stage. A couple hundred of us gathered together with shock on our faces and some still not able to stop the tears from coming. At that point there was prayer for America and all those impacted by the tragedy. After a time of prayer people started getting up one at a time from countries all over the world and spoke blessings and asked for forgiveness on behalf of their countries. It was a miraculous day to be a part of. Though tragedy had brought so many to the end of their lives, at the same time, God brought healing and restoration towards Americans to the hearts of countless people from nations around the world.
That night it poured buckets. It was as if the Lord was weeping with us over the loss of so many. Soaking us to our cores and washing away the pain as well.

The next day (9/12) we drove out of Tema and crossed the border into Togo where we were scheduled to fly to Paris, France. While we waited for our flight out of Africa fears arose that we would be stuck in Togo. Flights had been grounded around the world and we wanted out of the third world and to be back in the comforts of home with our loved ones. We were able to leave Togo. Thankfully so. When we arrived in Paris (9/13) they kept us in the loading and unloading ramp for over an hour. When we finally were let into the airport, we were greeted by armed forces, asked to sit in a terminal then we waited a few more hours to find out when we would be able to fly out. Air France told us that we would not be able to fly out as scheduled. All flights to the US were grounded at this point. Air France put all 70+ staff and students up in a hotel a short tram ride away from the airport. We were not allowed to leave the hotel because flights for some or all of us were trying to be arranged and we had to be available to leave at a moments notice.

The comforts of toilets that flushed, nice big beds, warm running water, and food that made our mouths water just to look at made not getting home a little easier. Air France gave us calling cards, food vouchers for the hotel during our time there. Once we were at the hotel we were finally able to watch the TV showing what was going on in the US. Two days after the atrocity, the reality of what had happened stunned our team. We were thankful to be safe and not stuck in Togo. We would be grounded in Paris for a total of five days. I was finally able to call my parents and tell them that I was ok. More tears flowed with the emotion of knowing that everyone was safe back in WA. The team bonded even more in Paris as we wept with each other. The day we found out we would fly out the next day Air France delivered bus passes, rail passes, and food passes to our whole team so we could go out and see the city. The most memorable moment was going to Notre Dame at Dusk. A service was going on inside and candles were lit everywhere. It was beautiful and sobering. Everyone in Paris embraced the Americans with a love I can not describe. It was beautiful to be a part of.

Day five (9/17) all 70+ of us flew out of Paris together. Miracle!!!! We flew into Los Angeles and were greeted by American flags the size of buildings. Every car seemed to have a flag hanging from at least one place on the vehicle. America was in a state of grief. Somber faces were everywhere. As I walked through customs and had my passport stamped coming back into the US, the official wrote below the stamp and date, "welcome home!".

We stayed one night in LA before making the journey back to Hawaii to debrief and hold a graduating ceremony for the school and outreach phases that we had completed.
It was good to be back on American soil. Some students kissed the ground. Others wanted to go directly home and forgo the graduation ceremony. Most of the students in our school came back to Hawaii. It was a difficult time to go through as a nation... but I was blessed to be with some of the most loving and supportive people from around the world.

Back to School

2008-09-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

Two weeks until I start back to school...

I know that I will have butterflies on my first day back and I will get to school early to find out where my classrooms are and find seats close to the doors for easy exit... all you who know me need no further explanation.
It is thrilling to think of all that will be accomplished in the coming year. I will have fulfilled all of my pre-req requirements for the BSN (bachelor of science in nursing) program, and will have applied, and hopefully been accepted into a program as well. This year is going to be intense. But I am super excited. God told me two years ago that if I did my part He would do His part to help me through my schooling. I have seen His hand the past two years, and recognize the doors He has opened at His perfect timing, and the trials that have shown me more of who He is.
So I will prepare my backpack with my favorite mechanical pencils, tons of notebook paper, a scientific texas instrument calculator, and my mini stapler. I will prepare my heart with the knowledge that I am in the will of God and take courage and strength from Him as I step into a challenging academic year. Woohoo!

Healing Revival

2008-09-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

I stole the following post from a DTS friends husband. Thanks Anna and hubby for letting me post your words :)

A recent healing outpouring has reignited the age old battle between the false revival crowd and the don't judge crowd. The for and against arguments recirculate the news, blogs and conversations from previous movements. I believe two points receive less attention than they deserve: importance and purpose.

In seeking to Biblically approach this subject one must ask:

How important is healing in the Bible?

Looking through the scriptures we see:
- God is able to heal
- God is willing to heal
- God calls us to pray for healing
- God can use us to heal

Interestingly though, the Bible hardly touches on:
- How to pray for healing
- How to heal
- How healing works

The Bible seems to be preoccupied with:
- Glory
- Jesus
- Sin
- Grace
- Faith
- Redemption

This begs the next question:

What is the purpose of healing in the Bible?

If healing is one of many topics in the scriptures, then it's purpose must point to something outside itself.
Therefore healing isn't the purpose of healing.

Healing isn't the instrument - the Spirit is
Healing isn't the message - the Son is
Healing isn't the goal - the Father is

Healing can be used by the Spirit
Healing can accompany a message about the Son
Healing can point us to the goal of the Father

The purpose of everything is the glory of God

Healing is but a means to an end

What do I want my legacy to be?

2008-09-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

On Sunday when visiting a church in Maple Valley the pastor was speaking about our destiny... he also said something about when everything is stripped away... which led me to thinking about what I hope to be remembered of me when I am old and have had many experiences in my life and I go to meet Jesus.

I want to be remembered as someone who was very real... transparent almost to the point of discomfort.
Our society has issues with staying in our comfort zones and avoiding conversations that are challenging to process. Challenge is essential for growth. Come on people. Why should we stay the same old same old rather than gaining deeper understandings to the pressing issues of our generation and the generations before and after us. Staying in a bubble doesn't benefit us. It seems that the more sheltered a person is the harder it is for that person to function in the real world. Yeah, God has called us to "be in the world but not of the world"... but He did tell us to be in the world. How else is there going to be a chance for people of different backgrounds, religions, and social status to have the opportunity to learn from each other?? And at the same time we Christians can be stretched and maybe even share the love of God with them?! I hope that God will use me in this way. That I will be stretched out of my comfort zone for always so that I can grow and develop more character while gaining a greater understanding from the rest of the world so that I can love them more like Jesus does and meet them in the midst of where they are at and not on my own grounds.
Being real and sharing our struggles and how God has had the victory in our trails is so important. The bible says that "in our weaknesses He is made stronger". Yes! So if we share our weaknesses then God gets more and more glory! The church society that I have grown up in would rather cover up sin than put it out there and let the victory be shown. In that scenario the only person that wins is the devil. The sinner is still left in condemnation, the church has not seen the power of God, and so no one else has heard the testimony which could lead to more healing in other people (believers or non believers). It is our gain and the gain of the church and all who hear the testimony of the work of the Lord. We should not be silenced by the whispers of condemnation from the church or the lies of the enemy echoing our failings. Sharing our trials brings great freedom! "If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed!"
This is just one of the parts I hope to leave in my legacy...

Swollen Heart

2008-09-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

today I went to church for the first time in a while... I have been looking for a new church for a few months and have been trying some churches on sporadically this summer.
So today me and two friends headed out to Maple Valley to visit Generational Hope Christian Center. There was a guest speaker today so I am going to have to visit again. Overall it was a comfortable place to be. I enjoyed the worship and hearing about the speakers ministry in Uganda. Every time I hear about mission work in Africa my heart swells and I get excited for the future. It seems that the ability to get to that continent is getting closer and closer and yet it is so far away at the same time. I am encouraged that my heart still longs to go there. Absence makes the heart grow fonder indeed. It has been almost seven years since I returned home from my DTS adventure and I recognized that a piece of my heart had been left behind.
A friend of mine told me that I looked like a kid in a candy store as we were watching the slide show the missionary put together.
I am glad that I still have a strong desire on my heart to go back to Africa and be a part of the work the Lord is doing there. It gives me a greater peace about my schooling that still lays ahead and drives me onward toward the goal of medical missions.
I pray that my heart will continue to swell for the people of Africa. Like in the movie "the grinch"... how his heart just gets bigger and bigger! I want a swollen heart :) filled with a love beyond what I can understand for the people I am going to encounter throughout the continent of Africa.
I am so excited for the things the Lord is preparing!!

what is love?

2008-09-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

Over the past year I have been asking myself about the definition of love.
More specifically as defined in 1st Corinthians 13...

1 Corinthians 13 (New Living Translation)
Love Is the Greatest
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.

I find myself looking at the church as a whole and asking myself if what I see there is reflecting this love that is so defined in the above passage. "...The greatest of these is love." That's a big statement!

As I reflect on the images of the church that are rolling around in my head I see flaws. We all fall short, yes, however, it seems to me that a greater emphasis should be placed on the basic understanding of loving our neighbors, our friends, strangers, and our enemies. I feel as if the church is trying to make people fit into a cookie cutter mold before its ok to love and embrace those people. Where in the bible does it say that we have to fit a-z before we are suitable to be loved by the church? More or less it seems that was the attitude of the Pharisees and not of Christ. And if I am remembering correctly, the Pharisees were not so on track with the character of Christ.

"Love does not keep records...".
This is something I struggled with in my own walk. A few years ago I was in a relationship that was not in line with Christs commands. I was having sex with my boyfriend and in turmoil about my sins. Even after getting out of this relationship I struggled with forgiving myself. I could not love myself the way the bible told me to. I think this struggle in my life has given me a greater understanding of God's love. I was fearful that when people found out they would judge me for my past records. It wasn't until about a year after getting out of that relationship that I came to a better understanding of love. If people are not able to put my "records" behind me then they are truly not loving me. I ask myself more regularly now if I am keeping "records" of my friends or am I loving them right where they are at. "Love endures through every circumstance." Am I loving my friends through every circumstance? How about my enemies? Or people who are just different than I am?

God is a creative God and didn't make a single one of His children one this planet to be exactly the same. Just because we are different doesn't mean that we need to fix some to be like the others. "You are a masterpiece..." A painting is not just one color... it has many colors and shades of colors to create beauty. To embrace conformity would be to constrict the beauty of our differences. In our differences we can learn so much from each other. God has given us each different experiences and minds that are so unique. Not one the same as the other.

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity."
It will take a lifetime I'm sure to get closer and closer to understanding the greatness of the love of God. A little glimpse at a time is about all my finite mind can comprehend. Our understanding is never going to fully grasp God's awesome love. However, there is still a call to love.

"Love your neighbor as yourself."
If you don't love yourself how can you love your neighbor?

"...if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing."
Loving others is more important than knowledge and faith.

As a member of the body of Christ I want to see Christians loving others with the love that God has called us to. Embracing conformity, keeping records, and dismissing God's creativity in creating us uniquely is wrong. We are called to love everyone. Right where they are at. Whether they are embraced by society or not. That is the example that I have seen in Christ's character throughout the bible. So church, I ask you to stand up in your congregations, small groups, coffee shops, offices, grocery stores, and everywhere. As a church, WE MUST LOVE!

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

I dare you to love. Just think of the restoration and healing that will come. How many people have been damaged by a warped version of the "pharisee love"?

I will accept this dare along with you and ask for accountability in loving. Thank you friends for loving me for who I am right now, not what I will become, not trying to conform me, accepting me in my uniqueness. Knowing I am so loved has given me the freedom to understand more of the greatness of God's love.

Quote of the Week

2008-09-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves for we shall never cease to be amused

O trail O terrific O tranquil

2008-09-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Saturday five of us met in Orting to ride out to South Prairie and back. It was a cool day with overcast skies but the rain stayed away the whole time we were out there. What a blast it was riding with a bunch of friends. Usually I ride with one or maybe two other people. Five was so much fun! It was the first time for the four others to ride this part of the trail. I was so happy to be able to show them some of my "special stopping points" along the way.
I was a tour guide as we passed the "wildlife" on the trail... "to your left you will see such exotic animals as emu and lama."
"The trail can be a bear on the way out to South Prairie because it is a gradual incline..." was translated to... "Jami said there are bears on the trail!!"
One of my favourite parts of the trail is getting to the "marshmallow field". The packaged up hay or whatever is in those things looks like giant marshmallows. It makes me giggle to think that marshmallows are grown and harvested and then sent to factories to be chopped up and shipped to our stores in smaller variety sizes and colors.
I convinced my friends to come sit on a log with me by the tranquil running water and we took this fabulous famous "open mouth closed eyes" photo. Another fun moment was "forgetting" to mention the bathroom Kate and I walked to was a Port-A-Potty... and letting my friend who almost brought toilet seat covers find out when she walked the jaunt over to it. There was hand sanitizer in the Port-A-Potty! It was much better than the holes in Africa people!
All in all it was a fabulous day. I am so glad we did it and hope to have an adventure like it again soon. Until then... Happy Trails!!

plans to prosper...

2008-08-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

This week has been a tough week for me. I have become overwhelmed with my current circumstances and have broken down in tears sporadically throughout the week. Loans for school have been delayed making the option of moving delayed as well. I am still searching for a job and submitting resumes like someone desperate for work. Because I AM desperate for work!! My bills still need to be payed and I am praying that the funds to pay them will show up soon. I am sad because not having funds makes me think I may not be able to go to one of my DTS friends' wedding in BC next week. I take deep breaths and try not to focus on all of these things at the same time. Then I remember... He has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me... God is sovereign. He knew all of these things were going to happen before they did. I thought I have learned trust already in my walk with the Lord. Maybe I haven't captured all of what trusting really is. Am I acknowledging Him in all my ways? Am I trying to do things in my own will and my own strength? Questions and more questions bring me to a better place. Choosing to surrender all of my fears about the unknown and my hopes for the coming months I put my trust in the Almighty God. Recognizing that He is Almighty makes me feel like an idiot for blubbering through this week. Though I know His heart for me embraces me in every circumstance and His Father heart wants nothing more than for me to trust Him and know His love for me. He does have a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. I sit here in my bed with food in my belly, a roof over my head, and the knowledge that I am loved by the Almighty God. Please pray for me as I continue to trust in Him.

Remember when...

2008-08-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

More than a decade ago my life was spent attending youth group events and hangin out with friends after church on Saturday nights. It doesn't seem possible that so much time has already passed us by...
Sunday afternoon several of the people I grew up at youth group with got together for a reunion. It was so wonderful to see faces that I haven't looked upon in years and hear how much all of our lives have changed. We are no longer children (though some of us still act like it) but adult with grown up lives. Weird. I still feel so young. It doesn't seem possible that so many of us have moved to the married or baby stages already. I am still in denial that I am a grown up.
A couple of months ago I was hanging out with one of my youth girls who is studying to be a chiropractor... she asked how old I was and got all confused when I told her. She responding saying "I always thought we were the same age"... not quite sure how that would work being as I was her youth leader when she was in jr high. It made me feel young though.
This reunion was very special. I think it is going to be the first of many. Hoping to do another one in six months or so. Make it a semi-regular event. I am excited to see how all of us continue to change throughout the years to come. Excited to watch my old friends grow their families and face new adventures. It will be fun to get together ten years from now and reminisce and "remember when..."

Spoontula

2008-08-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

Alissa and I are hangin out this weekend as her parents are on a retreat. Tonight we made rice crispy treats with strawberry marshmallows and topped them off with a layer of ghiradelli milk chocolate and pink sprinkles. We discovered a spoontula (spatula-spoon combo) was the key to scraping as much of the crispies out of the bowl and into the pan. mmmm. can't wait to enjoy them! tomorrow Lis is having friends over to watch the premier of The Cheetah Girls new movie. The fun has only begun...

the 80s are back!

2008-08-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

I visited this site www.yearbookyourself.com after seeing the magic it worked on some of my friends. If you take a look at my photo you will have to agree that it is pure magic. I feel so beautiful in this photo. wow. If only I had been in high school when that was the fashion. if only...

an afternoon with mom

2008-08-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

after saying goodbye to Lola (the dog whose poop I have been picking up for the past two weeks) I went to the bank and then to get a coffee and headed to my moms house. she told me last night that she has been doing a good job of faking being ok lately. I congratulated her last night and made a mental note to check up on her more regularly.
so I show up at her house and find her asleep on the couch. We chatted while she woke up and went off to the grocery store. she needed milk and so I bought her some... and some syrup, butter, and ice cream. we went back to her house and had ice cream for dinner. It was delicious. she told me stories about the past and we laughed a bunch. I told her stories about when I was a kid and we laugh some more. It is days like today that makes me treasure my mom. I am blessed that she lives close by. I am blessed that she doesn't smother me. I am blessed that she has prayed for me every day of my life. I am blessed to be loved by such an amazing mom. I love you mom!

Lightning striking again and again and again and again!

2008-08-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

So the past two weeks (almost) I have been staying at some friends' house taking care of their dog. We are a couple blocks from the railroad tracks and I have grown accustomed to the gentle movement that the house makes when a train is rolling through town. Last night was a different story.
The house shook so hard me the dog and I were startled awake at 3ish in the morning! I realized when I saw flashes of light coming through the blinds that there was a storm hovered directed above us. My eyes closed to try to get back to sleep and yet I could still see the flashes of light through my lids. It was some show. There were a few times that I dozed off and then was awoken by the thunder that shook the house. I was able to console the dog and she and I finally went back to sleep and the storm moved on. I think storms can be enjoyed more during day time or early evening hours. I just wish I had been able to watch more of the lightning "fireworks" and appreciate the beauty of the storm. I was half asleep. Didn't quite get to enjoy it to its fullest potential.

I love JJ!!!

2008-08-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

So this amazing artist has so kindly put her newest album out there for all to have for free. You can follow the link above to her website and find out how to download it at no cost to you. We all love FREE!
I have loved her music since I discovered her about a year and a half ago. She is brilliant. Her music will captivate you and evoke thoughtful moments. I hope you enjoy discovering her sweet timeless sounds. You will love JJ soon too!

why have a planner...

2008-08-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

...when our lives are like a mist?
we do not know what tomorrow holds.
so we must take hold of each day.
hold it as a treasure.
for what it is so beautifully named.
the present.

Crazy Heirloom

2008-08-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

I don't understand how I can have three siblings and we are so so so very different. There is one thing about us that is similar though. We are all stubborn.

My sister Melissa is so stubborn she won't give up a married man in Wyoming who has told her time and again that he doesn't want her. She won't give up though. Stubborn. She is going back to Wyoming yet again. Leaving Puyallup and her daughter that she made countless promises of quality time with her mom to. I pray against this stubborn spirit. My sis is amazing when she puts her mind to something. I just wish it were something brilliant rather than a stupid man who is leading her down a path of destruction. She can be an amazing person when she focuses all of here determination (a nicer word for stubborn) on one thing. I always thought she would be a fantastic lawyer. I'm hoping that she soon discovers the emptiness in the man she is blindly chasing after. And that she returns to the only One who can fill her heart fully.

My brother Nick is so stubborn that he didn't tell me he was leaving town. He is now traveling the country in an RV with his girl friend and her mom. They even brought along an ice cream truck to make money on the side. He didn't want me to try to talk him out of going. Stubborn. I am sad that I didn't get to say good bye to him. I pray against this stubborn spirit. He has such a good heart and brings laughter to so many people. I wish he were sharing more of his testimony. Maybe this time in the RV traveling will give him opportunity to gather his thoughts and discover more of what the Lord wants him to do with his life. He has had some rough patches to travel through... I just know that God can use those rough patches for great things. Though I joked with him about being a motivational speaker... it is really something that I can see him stepping into in the future. I pray that he seeks the Lord to find the path that the Lord has gone before him and prepared.

My brother BJ is so stubborn that he gets under all of my nerves at the same time. He is the one who drives me crazy every time he opens his mouth. He always has to be right and have the last word. Stubborn. I pray against this stubborn spirit. Sometimes I wonder how we can be so close in age and yet the furthest apart in all aspects of our lives. It is a bit mind boggling to me. I wonder if there was something that I had done differently when we were kids if our relationship would be different today. He is a smart man. Sometimes so smart it frightens me. I pray that he will be able to use his gifts in a way that will give him great pride in himself. Even though he drives me crazy... I still love my brother. I also pray for a new attitude in myself when I am around him.

My family is unique. I was watching a movie called "the Family Stone" today and it reminded me how different each person in a family can be. It is the uniqueness of each individual in that family that makes the family that much more interesting. One of my friends described my family as a crazy quilt. I think that is a great picture. We are quite colorful and random in our grouping... however, we have all been grouped together to make something that is an heirloom that will forever be treasured.

I pray great things for each one of my family members. I pray that the stubbornness that each one of us so abundantly posses would be used for good in God's kingdom. Lord please protect and guide my sister and brothers today. Bring them back to you. Bring them back to wholeness. Bring them the joy that can only be found in your presence. Bring them the peace that goes beyond their own understandings. Bring them delight in following your leading. Bring them back to you.

dogs and kleenex

2008-08-08T22:54:00.001-07:00

you may be wondering why those two things were put together in this post. it comes down to this... I am dog sitting. finished one week with Zoey and have made a small dent into my two week stay with Lola. And what about the kleenex? you are asking... I have been sick this week. so badly that I spent three days in bed and had to have a friend come and walk/feed Lola. Good news for me and Lola. I am on the mend. Though still a little dizzy when up for more than a couple minutes. I am feeling much better and don't require 20+ hours of sleep a day any longer. Lola had four walks today. Each about 10-15 minutes since I can't handle being up that long. Tomorrow I am hoping for three 20 minute walks. Baby steps. I think I can I think I can. Now its time to sleep.

Preview of Heaven

2008-08-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight at a large church in Tacoma thousands of people gathered together with one purpose. Full out worship for two and a half hours!! It was amazing to see so many believers gathered together as a body being led in worship by the Holy Spirit. I invited friends to come with me and Suzanne was the only one who was interested. She had not yet been to a Hillsong concert. This concert of worship was my third Hillsong experience. It was amazing looking out on the masses of people with their hands stretched heavenward pouring out their hearts in worship. The "praise pit" had a beat of its own as the hundreds compacted on the floor level bounced and swayed with the music. I can only imagine that this experience is a tiny glimpse of what worship will be like in heaven. Only the light that bounces around us will not be from the high tech gadgets on stage but from the awesome glory of the Lord.

Marshmallow Fields, Emerald City Smoothie, and an Electra Townie

2008-08-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

Last summer I bought an Electra Townie (a rad old school upright handle bar bicycle) and this summer I have been going on adventures with my bike a few times a week. So when I woke up this morning and saw the clouds were sparse and the sun was beckoning me out doors I knew what was in store.
I strapped my bike to the back of my car (with a proper bike rack of course) and headed down the hill to the small town of Orting. Ensuring that I had enough energy to make it through the day I stopped at Emerald City Smoothies and picked up a Sambazon smoothie which took me two hours to drink.

As I headed down the trail today I had a head ache but was hopeful that the fresh air would remedy that. The wind seemed to be going against me today... or maybe I was just tired. I think that the wind was against me both ways (no I was not going up hill both ways in the snow). The trail was more crowded than usual. I think the weather brought everyone outside today. I started in the middle of town by the park in Orting and rode for about two hours. Stopping whenever my butt could not handle sitting for another second or if I saw something beautiful that I just had to stop and enjoy. I rode along the river side loving the sounds of the rushing waters and through the lush green forests. This week I went further than I have in the past. I didn't realize how close I was to the next stop on the trail. So I powered through an extra two miles past my usual stopping point and found myself in the tiny town of South Prairie. As I rode into town I was greeted by beautiful marshmallow fields and quaint houses. There was even a coffee shop and smoothie shop at the trail stop. Amazing! I was still drinking my Sambazon so didn't need another smoothie... but I did sit and rest for a few minutes before turning around.

I am in love with riding. It is so refreshing and beautiful exploring the outdoors on a bicycle. If you want to go along with me on an adventure... let me know!

Happy Trails

2008-07-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

this is the reason to get on a bike and go on the Orting trail. yet another beautiful day on the trail with a dear friend. Suz and I stopped at this part of the river today and enjoyed the scenery as bikers rode by. We are both getting stronger the more we ride. today Suz was pushed to the max with a carrier hooked to her back tire with her one year old in it. He was not happy in there. we learned that to have a relaxing ride... baby must stay home. maybe by next summer baby will enjoy riding a bit more. until then... we will just take the trails the two of us.
looking forward to our next ride Suzanne! I am determined to make it up that hill without down shifting by the end of the summer! Thanks for encouraging me to get there!

One Sunday Afternoon

2008-07-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

Recently I have discovered one of my new favorite things. I am now a regular bicyclist. You can find me on the Orting trail at least once a week. Another favorite place to ride is the Nathan Chapman trial on South Hill.
So today I ventured out on a ride by myself not sure where I would start my journey or how long I would ride. My adventure began at Pioneer where the bike trail begins near the flower farm. I rode between the fields and by the signs that read "farm crossing". I arrived in Orting so thirsty. Emerald City Smoothies was calling my name. Not actually. But you know what I mean. I got a Sambazon drink and filled up my water bottle. It hit the spot. I headed out of Orting towards South Prairie. Stopping at the river for a time to take in the beauty and tranquility of the rushing waters.
As I worked on my delicious drink and took in my surroundings it propelled me to go further and further on the trail. I stopped at the river again and climbed down the bank and sat under the shade of a tree as the birds serenaded me and the river whispered softly. It was gorgeous. God gave me a time of rest that my soul was desperately in need of. It reminded me of that Psalm. "... He makes me lye down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul..."
God is so good to restore us. He is a God of restoration. I am reminded to do my part and take time to rest so He can restore me. If you haven't had a chance to get out and on a bike trail I would encourage you to get out there before the summer is gone. Maybe I will run into you... unless I have sneaked down a river bank and am tucked under the shelter of a tree. Happy trails!