History of Myself Chapter 1 (tuesdays tales)

I stood starring through the train as it clicked past the platform and I thought to myself, "What in the world am I doing?"
All of my possessions, minus the travel backpack in the compartment to my left, remained in a storage complex in the city I left behind. My best friend Sam had tried to talk me out of leaving for the past two months. She did not win the argument. I was on an adventure to discover the history of myself.
My view no longer was the busy city streets that never seemed to have a moments rest. My eyes now gazed upon the rolling hills of Switzerland checkered with vineyards and houses built centuries ago.
At last I could breathe. The air was fresh. No longer clogging my lungs and my mind with smog of exhaust and fast approaching deadlines.
"I'm really here." I said to myself. "No turning back now."
My best friend wasn't the only one who tried to talk me out of leaving. After my dad suddenly died of a ruptured pulmonary valve six months ago, I found out that the man who had raised me for all of my life (or as long as I could remember), was not actually my biological father.
Turns out my mom had been on a little adventure when she was in her twenties. She had traveled the world with her best friend for six months after she graduated from college. They had been friends since they were kids and decided that it would be safer to travel together than by themselves. Their friends had already accepted positions pertaining to their degrees, made other vacation plans, and could not afford to be gone for six months.
I had found out more about my mom since my dad had passed away than I ever could have imagined to be true. The life she had led me to believe that she lived during the years she was my age were in fact so far from reality that it was shocking to me.
My mom had painted herself as a proper Christian woman with high unwaivering morals. I had often referred to my mother as a prude when bad mouthing her to my friends.
The truth was quite the contrary. She had been running from the Lord during her college years as she fell into the temptations of the world and found them much more appealing than the uptight, condemning ways she had been brought up.
Her social life kept her out all night and was filled with numerous boyfriends and experimenting with drugs and alcohol.
She was now a leader in our church, teaching bible studies and occasionally speaking at womens meetings.
There were many things unraveling about this woman in my life. It was as if the picture of my mother had been out of focus all these years and slowly she was beginning to adjust the lens and let her whole picture be seen. The shadows in the background and the lines of trials were becoming more apparent day by day.
How was I to know that her past would forever alter my future?

my adorable niece

Kara celebrated her birthday with my mom and myself tonight. We went to TrackSide Pizza and enjoyed the delicious cuisine and the gentle lull, er, more like thunderous rumble of the trains rolling by. We picked an early time for dinner which was the time all the commuter trains were coming through town. So much fun though! Kara had a grand ol time. How could she not!? With her favorite auntie and grandma there. :)
Her birthday is actually on Thursday, however, she will be at the indoor water park with her sister Gabi and best friend from Spokane. Her dad is flying them in for her birthday. So special for them! Kara has been living apart from her sisters for about ten months now. I think she has seen Gabi (her sister and close friend) about as many times as she can count on two hands. What a major change for two sisters who spent every day together since Gabi was born. I am so glad they will get to spend this time together. Still praying for those girls regularly.

calling all writers

My dad needs help writing scripts for a video project he has going on.
This help comes with payment. $250!!

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/wri/719769169.html

check out his add and earn some money.
He is a web developer and needs some scripts for wedding announcements.
The more you enter... the more chances you have.

grapefruit

tonight I decided to have a healthy snack and so I found a juicy grapefruit. as I started into its ripe goodness I was brought to tears. not by the emotional experience of its goodness... nope. by the amount of juice that kept squirting me in the eyes! my determination led me to the only plausible answer. I must wear sunglasses to finish my delicious dessert. It should also be pointed out that it was nearing 10pm. I wear my sunglasses at night... only when eating grapefruit :)

Farmer in the Dell

So I have been house sitting for a family from my church and they have enlightened me on the responsibilities of a farmer. I have been feeding a watering the chickens twice a day. They are kept in the shed, the doors are secured by two twisty ties to keep the raccoons out, and then inside a small box with a makeshift lid and a heat lamp. I take the lid off every time I enter the shed to get to fill up the water and food. As soon as I open the lid feathers are flying through the air. I think the little chicks are happy to see me. The smell is pungent. I quickly grab the water container and exit the shed to fill it up with the hose. Breathing fresh air for a few minutes enables me to go into the shed yet again. These chicks are about two months old and some growing faster and larger than the others. I scoop out the right portions of corn and chick feed making them squawk louder. After filling up both containers I put the lid back on the box making sure all chicks are securely inside. Exit the shed and secure it with the twisty ties. Mission accomplished.
All I need is some rubber boots, overalls, and a straw hat. Though I enjoyed my time with the chicks... I don't think I am quite cut out for the life of a farmer.

Tuesdays Tales: Week 1

Welcome to Tuesday Tales! In an attempt to improve our writing skills, Katie and I have decided to challenge one another to a weekly write off! We will each post 3 or so writing prompts on our blogs for the other to select from. Then we have one week to write a piece, no matter how long or short, and post it as the opener for the following weeks prompts. The only prize involved is the satisfaction of a completed piece (which is of course the prize most writers have learned to be satisfied with). We welcome any other interested parties to join in the fun and post a link to your finished piece in that weeks comments.

Okay, Katie. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to start a story with one of the following:

"That day started as usual. I got out of bed. Changed into my running gear. Put on my shoes and headed out for a run. I never would have predicted..."

"These mashed potatoes are awesome!..."

"She asked me if I thought the baby would prefer polka dots or stripes on the blankets. Does she..."

I am a slacker... nope. a little tea pot.

sorry to disappoint all my readers. I have been busy finishing up end of the quarter things like a big huge paper and a final to study for. As many of you know, I am oh so very good at procrastinating. So I have HAD to buckle down and finally DO the things I have been avoiding. I was talking to my mom about this habit of mine, she said that I have always been like this. I thrive under pressure. Its like I'm a tea kettle and it takes me getting all hot and under pressure before anything comes out. Brings a whole new meaning to the song "I'm a little tea pot"
I will try to write daily again starting tomorrow... or the next day. :)

Happy Birthday!

Today my younger brother turned 26. I don't feel like I am 26 yet and yet these numbers that tell us how long we have been here keep getting bigger and bigger. So bizarre.
My brother BJ is 26 now. I am proud of him for going to school to get his massage license in the past year. He worked hard at school while working full time to provide for his daughter. I hope he finds satisfaction in this new career and that the doors will be opened for the right position. May God bless him in this year and draw him closer to His side.

wise words of one of my moms

One of the moms in my life posted these words on her blog and I wanted to share them. I hope she won't mind. She has been used by God in my life to give me great swift kicks in the butt when I need them, and nurturing compassion when I need that. God is so good to use so many people in our lives. He speaks through others in such a way that we can not deny His sovereignty.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

Nature or nurture?

We've all asked the question. We've watched as good parents struggle with children bent on destroying themselves, either with drugs or rebellion or both; and we've wondered. Why? How can such great parents turn out such crazy kids?

And the reverse is also true. Once in a while, a really bad parent ends up with the most amazing child.

Where'd it come from, we wonder.

It's the same question I ponder as I read through the books of First and Second Kings. In these books, the two nations, Israel (the Northern kingdom) and Judah (the Southern Kingdom) list king after king after king. And in one case after another, the Lord, through the writer of the Word, pronounces judgement on both the man and his leadership.

If you're paying attention, and you aren't confused by the narrative which jumps back and forth between the two countries (almost as if it were an account of the presidents of Canada and the United States, all mingled together) you'll notice the same thing in the book of kings. A good king is followed by a crazy son, who grows up to become a really bad king. Later, suddenly, for no apparent reason, the next generation produces a king who follows after God.

How can that be?

I can't find a consistent reason for any of it. Yes, the Word of God plays a part. Godly advisers play a part. But there is one other common denominator in all of the stories of all the kings included therein.

Personal Responsibility.

By this I mean that in NO CASE does God ever say, "Hey, you know, I realize that you had a really terrible upbringing. So, here's what I'm gonna do. I'll let it slide. After all, you didn't have anyone to teach you right from wrong..."

Nope. God holds each of these men personally responsible for his own choices.

Much as he holds us responsible for our own choices.

So, no matter how much you'd like to shift blame (and believe me, I'm the queen of blame-shifting), it isn't going to cut it with God. Don't tell him that you didn't go to church because your husband didn't want to. Don't explain that you don't read the Word because no one taught you how. Don't try to explain away your sin with cultural influences, family history, or genetics. It just won't cut it with God. He will hold YOU, personally responsible for your actions, choices, and attitudes.

But there is some really good news in all of this.

Once you take personal responsibility for yourself, you can make a great exchange. God himself will take the punishment for your foolishness. He will exchange your sin for his sinlessness. It's a remarkable bargain, delivered in the person of Jesus Christ. He died for your personal responsibility.

There will be an accounting. God will evaluate your life, just as he evaluated the lives of the Kings of Israel. Own up. Agree with the truth about your life. And then, make the exchange.

His death for your sin. His resurrection for your forgiveness. His new life for your new life.

It's a bargain, I'll tell you. I did it, in 1974. Wow, what a ride! I've enjoyed most every moment since then.

I've never been sorry. Try that on for size. How about you? Have you made the exchange/

Bette

middle march... yes I know it's June

"...for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs." --George Eliot, Middlemarch

I finished a BBC miniseries called "middle march" recently. In the last scene I heard the above quote and it echoed through my mind for quite some time.
Somehow as I think about my future and the things God has put on my heart. I imagine that something big will happen in my life and that I might have a big impact on the world. Hearing this quote reminded me that my contribution to this world may not be recognized by a great number of people or even be considered "big" for that matter. However, that does not make my contribution to this world any less important. For like the series proclaimed... "the growing good of the world is partly bent on unhistoric acts"
We each contribute little things each day to the greater good of the world. Through a smile to a stranger or a thank you to someone holding a door. Our unhistoric acts do make a difference in this world.

Fly me to the moon... or ANYWHERE!

Do you ever have a serious travel itch that you can't scratch? Like it is in that middle upper part of your back that is the worst because you practically have to dislocate your arm to come within a cm of reaching it. Well thats what my travel itch feels like right now.
I keep getting emails for specials on airfare. Messages from friends around the world saying to come visit them. Texts asking me when I am going to visit.
My wanting is increasing ever more with each email, message, and text. Oh how I wish I could just pack up right now and travel travel travel.
I was watching a movie tonight about a girl who got a really cheap ticket to Paris because she offered to deliver an important package to someone. If I didn't feel like I could end up in jail more than the country I want to end up in with a scenario like that I might be offering to deliver packages around the world on a regular basis.
I will stick to my brilliant plan of winning the lottery.
Unless, of course, you want to fly me to... ANYWHERE!

Mentors are SO NEEDED!

I am doing a research paper on Mentors and the research has confirmed what I knew to be true. The statistics are astounding, dumbfounding, staggering. It is no wonder there is such a need for mentors in our society today. I am going to give you a tiny peak at an excerpt from my paper (it is going to be between 15 and 18 pages). Enjoy. Thank your mentor. Be a mentor. Raise up a generation of mentors!

Why should all children have a mentor?
According to the census of 2005 there are 73.5 million children under the age of 18 living in the United States. The census also states that 23.4% of those children live with their mother, no father; 4.8% live with their father, no mother; 4.5% live with neither mother nor father. That means a total of over 24 million children in the United States have a need for a parental figure in their lives. (census.gov)

The government and state services have a plan for filling potholes in the roads we travel on. Is this pothole in the families of America not worth filling? Will this hole continue to get larger and larger if it is not met with a means to fill it?

My crazy brother Nick

So my brother called me today and told me his latest plan...

If you know my brother, you know that he has many random ideas and does not fit in any box. Take a guess at his latest of brilliant thoughts!

Once I get 10 brilliant (I get to be the judge of brilliance on this one) ideas I will share what he is going to be doing.

What could have happened to him?

There is a friend of mine whom I tutor her daughter once in a while when she needs a break and it works with my schedule... so about a month ago I was introduced to a nice guy that she wanted me to meet.
He came to my church and we had a good long chat and seemed to enjoy each others company. We talked for about a half an hour after church and then he gave me his number and told me to call him sometime. So I did. Only when I called him I forgot to leave him my phone number. Oops.
So a little less than a week later he manages to contact our mutual friend and she calls me to say I didn't leave my number and make sure everything went well and that I wasn't avoiding the guy. So I called him the next day for the second time and left a message on his voice mail. This time ever so careful to leave my number. Might have left it twice to be thorough, can't remember. Anyway. So it has been two weeks since the message was left and still no reply.
I have decided that something tragic must have happened in his life. My favorite thought... he has amnesia because he was in a terrible accident.
Any other ideas as to what his "problem" could be?
Cause it sure doesn't take two weeks to return a phone call to a girl YOU GAVE your number to!
Please share your thoughts on his "problem"

15 minutes of fame!

More like 15 words.

I was quoted in the Tacoma News Tribune. Thankfully (for Patty's sake), they didn't put every word I had to say in the article. Ask and I will tell you. HA!

http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/story/379117.html

Poverty in Africa

Today we are going to end poverty.
What is poverty?
Wikipedia defines it saying: “Poverty is the deprivation of those things that determine the quality of life, including food, clothing, shelter and safe drinking water…”
In the survey I conducted in class I asked if you could have one or the other which would it be.
Clean drinking water OR new clothes?
The majority of the class chose clean drinking water.
The face of poverty often does not allow that question to have choice.
When I lived in Africa for three months back in the summer of 2001 I saw children wearing the same clothes for weeks at a time. These clothes were obviously donated a decade after they were first made and worn.
A small village I stayed in on the coast of Ghana collected rain water for the community. It was the water they used to drink, bathe, and wash their clothes with. Was this water safe?
Poverty in Africa is sounding alarms, crying for help, and reaching for change.
What does the face of poverty in Africa look like?
What can you do to help stop poverty?

Lets take a look at the face of poverty in Africa…
Today in Africa the statistics are shocking. These facts were found on cozay.com
"Every day 30,000 children die from a combination of disease- infested water and malnutrition,"
"Water-borne diseases are claiming one child every three seconds.
These diseases are the major killers of small children in Africa."
Every year six million children die from malnutrition before their fifth birthday.
More than 800 million people go to bed hungry every day, 300 million are children.
More than 90 percent of these children are suffering long-term malnourishment and micronutrient deficiency.
More than one billion people do not have access to clean water.
Like I said. These statistics are shocking.

Oprah.com shared a recent conversation between Oprah and Bono proclaiming many Africans suffer from lack of clean water and wells.
"You can't talk about water enough. It's the thing that we in this country take the most for granted," says Oprah. Bono added that making clean water available to Africans is a relatively simple action that will produce great change. "Women [in Africa] are walking sometimes 10 miles a day to bring water," he explained. "If everyone gets together, this idea of bringing water to Africa is not far-fetched. It's possible, and we can do it right now. I tell you, it will revolutionize that continent."

Last year I witnessed a group of local teens from a band called “Supersonia” make an effort to impact poverty. Five teenagers had a goal to raise $20000 to fund a well for a village in Africa. They held a concert, had bake sales, and volunteered their time for donations toward their goal. In less than a year they had met their goal. Because of these young men there is now a village in Africa with a well of clean drinking water.

A friend of mine has sponsored a child in Africa for the past 5 years giving monthly donations through an organization called World Vision. Last Christmas she and her husband decided to give an extra gift of $70 to her sponsor child. Shortly after her gift was received a letter and a photo was sent to her. In the photo her sponsor child wore his very first pair of shoes and a brand new suit for himself and also his brother wearing a new suit and his first pair of shoes. On the floor in the photo were large bags of beans and sugar and oil. The letter expressed tremendous thanks and brought tears to the eyes of anyone who read it.
BBC.com states that the average wage of most Africans is less than a dollar a day. Making the average annual income around 300 dollars.
No wonder the gift she sent that Christmas made such a difference in the life of that child and his family.

We know there is a need to end poverty. We know that we can impact this world like my friend and the boys in the band “Supersonia” did. We can make a difference in the lives of impoverished Africa.
I ask you to think of the need for clean water the next time you turn on your faucet.
I ask you to think of the millions of children that are still hungry when you go to sleep at night.
I ask you to think about the children without clean or new clothing the next time you look into your closet and proclaim you have nothing to wear.
An end to poverty may not be found today, however, we can make a dent one sponsor child at a time, one well at a time, one small act at a time.

As Nelson Mandela said:
"overcoming poverty is not a gesture
of charity. It is an act of justice. It is
the protection of a fundamental human right, the right to dignity and a decent life."
(http://cozay.com/)

Laundry Day

It never ceases to amaze me how long I can go without having to do laundry. Guess what! Its laundry day! Having run out of my favorite items to wear I MUST do laundry today. So that is what I am doing. It makes me slightly disgusted at myself. Having lived in Africa for a few months... I saw the same children day after day running through the streets eager to play and spend time with us. They were dirty and wore the same clothes often day after day. Some of them had a couple outfits. Were they of the latest fashion? nope. The clothes they wore were probably shipped over there about a decade after they were first made and worn. Some of there clothes had holes in it and yet they still wore them. One precious little girl loved her dress even though the ribbon was missing and there was a tear in the front.
So I sit here on my floor folding my clothes and thinking I don't need to buy anything else. How often do I find myself wanting the latest of fashions? Why? Why must we all dress to the standard of what someone in the fashion world says is the "now" item? I like to think I have some classic tastes so I think I will be ok not spending money on clothes for awhile. (Sorry Stacy and Clinton!) Maybe until I finish college. I wonder if I can do it? I have so many clothes I could make it. Even if I fluctuate in size I have about four different sizes in my closet. I think I can do it. Friends. Please encourage me NOT to spend money. I have so many things in my closet already. Unless you want to buy me something I am not going to buy myself anything. I am going to say it is ok for me to use my birthday or Christmas money to buy clothes... with the condition that I have to get rid of as many items as I purchase.
So I am back to folding my mounds of now clean laundry and organizing piles into like items. Not quite ready to say goodbye to the comfort of having so many options. I think I'm not quite ready to be a missionary. Thats ok. I have a couple years before my education will be complete. And maybe a couple years of experience in the medical field before I will be jumping in to that adventure. Phew.
Lord please help me not to be so captivated by the every changing things that the world finds so important. I know in my heart that what I am wearing on a day to day basis is of no eternal value... however, I am vain and want to look hot every day! Sigh. Change me Lord. Give me a new perspective. As often as I look at my closet help me to be thankful for the blessings of a full closet. Help me to be disciplined as I strive to not spend money. (yikes!) I need an awakening in that spirit of discipline you have given me... I think it has been sleeping. Ha! You have blessed me greatly Lord! Thanks for your reminders of those blessings. I know even if I don't buy clothes for a year I will not look like a bum. You cloth the lilies of the field and you care so much more for your children. I know you will continue to provide for me.

precious moments

Yesterday my sis came to town and brought her three younger girls and was able to get Kara from her dad so all four of the girls were united for the weekend. We met up at my moms house and had a grand ol time. I was blessed with hugs and tickles. Enjoyed teaching one of my nieces some karate moves (no I don't really know any moves except for the ones I mimic from "Karate Kid") and played Go Fish. It is such a joy to see these girls growing up and see their smiles as they enjoyed being together with each other and their mom. I still pray for them all to be united again permanently in the future. God is good. He can do more than I can ever hope or imagine. Here's to hoping and imagining!!

Going to the movies

So. There is a new theatre in Gig Harbor with seats that recline. It is delightful! I have been to this theatre twice in the past week to experience its goodness. Ok. So I might have enjoyed the movies too... but the movie going experience was all that more enjoyable because of the awesome seats! The company wasn't too bad either. Love ya friends! Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase going to the movies when you actually have to drive more than a couple miles and over a bridge and pay a toll. It was well worth it in my opinion. Something I hope to make a habit of. Maybe about once a month or every other month. Good times! I just wanted to share the fun. The only people that read my blog may be the ones I have already shared this news and the experience with... but on the off chance that there are others out there needing a new movie going experience, I am glad to share my news with you.
PS. They also show old classics at this theatre I think once a month on Tuesday mornings or something cool like that.
And! And there is a theatre that you have to be 21 or older to go to because they serve you alcohol. It is a couple dollars more to go in that theatre but it is all a part of the same complex.
See ya at the movies!

hope... it's part of love

So at the beginning of February I went to a womens conference with my church. I had the joy of being a part of worship and ushering in the women of the conference to the presence of the Lord. It was more like God took us each by the hand and gently pursued each us to the throne room. God was very "alive" in the conference. The ladies of our church had not experienced a conference like this before. There were people speaking in tongues, people were being prophecyed over. It was a spiritual awakening for so many. I was so excited to see the great majority of the women taking hold of God's hand and being changed, renewed, transformed, surrendered. It was a powerful weekend to say the least.
The conference was important in my life too. I went to the conference after being offered a free ride with the condition of being a part of the worship team. In no way did I feel like I was in a place to be helping lead a group of women into worship. My walk with the Lord was in the slumps. I had become discouraged about many things in my life. Unsure of the call on my life, practically thrown in the towel about the state of my family, and fretting about the desires in my heart.
On one of the nights God spoke to me loud and clear about Hope. He reminded me that Hope is part of Love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
There it was. Love always hopes. I was not hoping. I had thrown in the towel on my family. Given up on the power of the Lord. I felt like there were too many things that needed restoration and there was no way all or any of those things could change. I was hopeless. A sad state. How can God use a hopeless person? What good is a hopeless person? Can a hopeless person pray for others?
God called me to HOPE in that weekend. Reminding me to love my family like that, to love my friends like that, to love myself like that, because that is the way He loves and I am called to love like that.
So I asked Him to restore a spirit of hope in my life. I began praying for my family again. The state of each of my family members overwhelmed my heart but it was not too big for the heart of God. I began proclaiming hope over the lives of my friends. God showed me that His call of hoping for my friends was ever so important. God renewed my hope in the future He has for me. Refreshing my spirit. Bringing peace to my heart.
Two weeks after the conference had passed a week of jaw dropping happenings occurred.
My family has been going through major struggles for the great majority of my life. As a child and into my teen years my dad was abusive physically, verbally, and emotionally. My dad never recognized his disciplinary actions as abuse. He was sure that a strong hand, or fist, or foot, or word, was an acceptable means of discipline. I had forgiven him many times as a kid and when I did YWAM (youth with a mission) in 2001 God opened my eyes to true forgiveness and gave me the ability to see my dad in the the same way that He sees my dad. Now I can look at my dad and not see the pain of the past and have bitterness in my heart, now I can truly love him.
So first thing to happen that week. My dad called me (which doesn't happen all that often) and he told me he is taking a class at his church. He told me that he needed to call and ask for my forgiveness. He listed one by one the things that he wanted forgiveness for. I told him that I had forgiven him years ago. He was quick to say that he knew that, however, he HAD to ask me for forgiveness himself.
Wow! God of hope indeed! I don't think I had been more shocked out of my mind then on that day. And ecstatic! God was renewing my spirit of hope.
Another great thing to happen that week... my sister was living in Montana, having left her four daughters and husband to a man she met on the Internet. She had given up everything for this relationship. Lost all rights as a parent. Her oldest daughter whose father was different than the three other girls was taken away from the dad and sisters she had grown up with for the past 10 years because of her choice to leave her family. The week of hope renewed I got another call. My sister was moving back to the city where her girls and ex-husband lived. She had found a job and would be moving within two blocks of the girls in less than a months time. Hope renewed yet again!
I don't know why I found all this so surprising. It was blowing my mind what the Lord was doing!
That week I also learned of great things in the lives of one of my brothers and my mom. My brother flat out told me that he recognized the mistake of the relationship that he was in. My mom confessed that she was taking a codependency class. Victory! She has been struggling with that for the great majority of her life and has let many people walk all over her and take advantage of her(myself included). Wow! God of hope is transforming my family!
I was reminded this morning that even though my family may still be struggling and making poor choices again... I am still called to love them with that spirit of hope. Love transforms. Hope transforms. God transforms.
Don't give of hope. Keep hoping for your loved ones and yourself.