Thursday, March 16, 2006


So this last weekend I went on a women's retreat and it was a blast. I laughed at silly girly things and got to see friends that I have been missing quality time with. I had the most hilarious time playing a game of teather ball and laughed so hard that we could hardly play the game. We were just a bit out of practice however I managed to whoop my dear friend. I won't mention her name but I will brag about my victory. Yes, I was able to whoop on the third graders back in my primary years when I was in first grade. So I guess you might say that my dear friend was at a disadvantage because she was not aware of my "mad teather ball skills". Its cool. (smile)
So as for the real meat of the weekend. The whole refueling thing was what God spoke to me alot about. Our speaker reminded us that even Jesus took time to refuel and rest and soak in extra time with God. Even when there were pressing issues and people wanting healing and needing to hear the messages He was going to speak... even then. Jesus was surely a good example and I need to remember that refueling and taking time is essential to my sanity and also something that my creator wants me to do. So this last weekend was a a time of being refueled, refreshed, and blessed by the fellowship and encouragement from my sisters in Christ. It was beautiful. Not that I don't have anything going on in my life... I still have many things that are in process. I just am trusting that God is going to open the right doors at the right time (HIS timing) and give me patience and understanding to know what His will is.
So now after that weekend even though I have a bunch of stuff going on it is not overwhelming me. I am surrendering all of my worries and my cares to my savior. He cares about all of the little things that are going on in our lives and wants to be our constant companion and friend. I am so thankful that He hasn't given up on me. I don't know how many times I have tried to take on the world and all of my troubles too. God is so good to remind me that I am not supposed to do it on my own and that He will actually carry me through. I am safe under the shadow of His protective wing. And so thankful for every moment that I am embraced by His presence and able to soak in the wisdom of His still small voice. That is something that I need to continue to remind myself. Take the time to soak in His presence and listen without interupting. Just listen. It will refresh and refuel my soul.

Monday, March 06, 2006

a good cry

Do you ever feel like just crying for a day? I do. I am exhausted with life right now and I think a good cry would make me feel better. My mom actually told me this weekend that she thinks I need to cry. I cried last week and little this weekend and then some more today. Can I just have a big deep cry and get it all over with. Doesn't it feel better once you cry?
My mom now lives in Spokane. I followed her as far to the freeway as I could and waved good bye as she left this side of the state and stared a new chapter in her life. And a new chapter in my life too. I cried with my brother when we talked about mom moving and we got mad at dad for being a jerk and abandoning the situation. He is really good at that... abandoning.
No use playing that record again... it is surely broken.
My job is what is really my current stress. It seems that my job is trying to out me. And not giving me severance. I am emotionally drained right now and some time soon get to have a conversation with someone that makes me cringe just hearing her name. I know she is going to try to stomp on me the moment I open my mouth but I just have to think about David and Galioth. Even though she is a small lady she thinks she is Galioth. Enough about her. God is able to do more than I can hope or imagine. I am praying for a miracle here and for courage beyond what I currently possess. I am tired. I can't wait for it all to be over.
God help me please. I need your strength and courage. Help me to see that you have a plan and that you are not one that abandons. You hold me under the shadow of your wing. Thank you God for the amazing diety that you are. So awesome and yet so personal.