Monday, January 23, 2006


So... my mom told me about a month ago that she is moving across the state to the city my sister lives in with her four daughters, three cats, and her husband. This has been something of a conundrum for me. I have been dating someone for over a year now and love him to pieces... but when my mom told me that she was moving across the state it made me want to move to the same city and start a new life there. I know that my lovey can not move with me so I would only be able to move without him... and yet I still have the desire to pack up and start a new life in practically a new world. I lived pretty much in and around my home town the majority of my life and have friends here that have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember... is it weird that I am willing to pack up and move to where I only have my sis and her family and my mom and want to start a new life? So I would be at square one again making new friends and finding a new job and getting plugged into a church and involved in ministry. It is very tempting and somewhere deep inside of me I sometimes wish that I didn't have anything tying me to stay where I am... I wish that I could start over and be in a new place, and develop my friendship with my sister. It is definately something I need to pray about and will continue to trust that God is going to show me His will for my life clearer.


so this weekend I was having friends over to watch a very important football game and I hurried to clean my apartment from the chaotic mess that it was... I didn't have enough time to finish the ten loads of laundry I need to do so I crammed my dirty laundry not into my closet... but into my shower. Thankfully I had enough room in my shower.
For some crazy reason today that whole making my apartment look good on the surface popped into my head. Behind my closet door and cupboard doors and even behind my shower cutain remains the same chaos that I was trying to hide from my visitors. It made me think. How many other areas of my life do I hide the chaos from people and only show them my clean and tidy self. I am really not "a mess" inside but I am sometimes messy. Those that really know me already know how messy my room can get. Is it really necesary to hide the mess or should I clean house on the inside messiness. Hmm. Deep thoughts. I am not even sure where to start "cleaning house".

Thursday, January 19, 2006


So it has been awhile since I wrote and I am feeling like writing so I am going to write something. What am I going to write about. Hmm. The question I am still not sure I can answer.
Hmm... how about the new year and what that all entails.
So it is the biginning of a new year. Something about starting is new year is so refreshing. Its like getting a "do over" or "try again" or a clean slate with endless posibilities. I think that if we didn't have the concept of years and time it would be hard to make goals and track progress and be completely frustrating because everything would blurr together. It's a good thing someone had the great idea of the concept of a year. Cool. It reminds me of the seasons and how I have had many different seasons in my life. Seasons of depression, seasons of spiritual growth, seasons of ministry, seasons of being ministered to, seasons of loneliness, seasons of love. It has been a ride this life I live and I am not getting off this ride anytime soon. I am excited for this new year and another new season in my life.
It is a common occurance for people to create an unrealistic goal at the beginning of each new year. My "unrealistic goal" is to be healthy and make healthy choices in my spiritual health and physical health. I am focusing on putting the good stuff into my body and into my mind and establishing a foundation that I will be able to hold onto for the rest of my life and will be able to teach to my (someday) husband and (someday) children. I think it is an attainable goal and I am excited for this new year.
Something else that I am excited for is finding a new church with my boyfriend and establishing a home church and getting involved in ministry again. It has been over a year since I have been officially on youth staff at the church I have grown up in the church that is like a family to me. There is something about not being in ministry when you have been in it for so long. I know that God wanted me to take a break so I could focus on getting myself on track but in the last few months there has been a desire to get involved in ministry again. I feel like I am missing out on something by not being involved in ministry but at the same time I know that finding a church together with Dan has to happen first before I can get plugged into ministry again. So we will be checking out different churches and hopefully when the "busy season" of his job calms down we can make a decision about where we will make some roots.
So this year has alot of opprtunity from growth in my personal, spiritual, and ministry life to shrinkage in my physical appearance to possibly starting a new church family, family family, and making a decision about the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Another season is exciting and I know that God will give me strength to get through and wisdom while making important decisions.
Until next time. Over and out. Peace and tranqulity be with.