Monday, February 19, 2007

Valentines Fun!

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

Do you ever feel like you are living someone else's life? Like you are going to wake up in the morning and your reality will seem a bit easier than it has in the past?
Last week was a great week... I had a Valentines party at my house with some girl friends and celebrated the day with fun and fellowship. We played MASH and had treats and I even gave a special gift to a couple friends... A grown your own boyfriend! It grows 600% in 72 hours! It started at about three inches and isn't growing as it promised. Oh well. Life goes on. Later in the week I got to catch up with old friends from Lighthouse who are now busy with married life, and now babies and our lives just aren't as entertwined as they used to be so it was really fun to get to see them again. Our talks used to be alot more about boys and other silly things. I have never talked so much about babies in my life! This is definately a different part of our friendships.
This weekend was filled with more fun as I fellowshipped with a new friend who is a bosom friend. I definately see Gods hand in bringer her to P-town. She has been a blessing in my life. :) It was great to spend the weekend with her. Sunday night at prayer God showed up (like usual) and was very much talking to us. It is so exciting each week to come together and see how God is going to move in our lives. It is a joy to see people hungry to hear from the Lord and patiently waiting on Him to speak. God's presence was so thick in the room that I could breathe it in. What a precious gift to be a part of that.
Oh. Last week my sis called me and told me that she is going to pay for me to go with her to England! I am so excited!
Today I found out some perplexing news. My sis is getting divorced. She hasn't told anyone else in the fam and doesn't want me to say anything. uugh! Yet again I am asked to stay silent when I don't agree with something that is happening. Whats worse is that she met someone online from Wales who we are going to see while we are there in March. And they love eachother!?!!? And they both are in other relationships right now?!!?! UUGH! I feel sick inside! I feel like she tricked me! I am so frustrated and don't know what I should do.
I do believe from the moment that she told me that I was going with her that God had something up His sleeve and wants to do something in both our lives during this trip. I am just at a loss. I am excited to see what God is going to do.
At the same time I am praying for the right job to become available. I am applying a several locations to try and get a job in one months time. I am stressing out even though I know God is going to provide! He takes care of the lilies and the birds and He cares so much about me. Why do I get so stressed out?! My stomach is turning. God please help me. Quiet my heart and let me find some kind of understanding which is not my own. Bring me peace and wisdom to know what your will is in these situations. Erase my tension and help me to give this all to you. I am not able to carry any burden on my own strength. Lord have your way. Have YOUR way! Show me YOUR way! I want to be obediant and faithful to what you are calling me to do LORD! Solidify your will in my life. Confirm my next steps as I step out into the scary unknown. Teach me to trust beyond my own understanding. Help me to rest in who you are.

Monday, February 05, 2007

its been awhile

So. I was thinkin I should write something because I haven't for a few months. It has been another busy phase in my life. Busy work. Busy keeping up with my mom. Busy trying to suceed in my education. And busy trying to have some small social life in the midst of all the busyness.
One thing that has not been so busy in my life is the area which is most eternally impactful. I have been so busy that I haven't been in the word and have often missed church. Lame on me!!
Today I was thinking about how I am feeling overwhelmed and am needing direction and having a hard time hearing. I wonder why!?! (sarcasm) I have been so busy that I haven't taken much time to listen lately. Do I even recognize His voice anymore? Is that something I can forget? Ok. I might be getting a bit dramatic. I have been in
prayer a lot during the last few months. I am just feeling like I am missing something in my relationship with the Lord right now. I can't seem to put my finger in it. I will ask the Lord to show me what it is. He says ask!
I can hear His voice and it is often the only thing I want to listen to because life can be so draining and distracting. I just wish I could get rid of the distractions more often in my life. Maybe I need a clean sweep. A time to reprioritise. God help me know what I need please! Lord I am so thankful that you never give up on me. You are my only constant and my saving grace! I am so thankful that you don't just stop giving grace all of a sudden, or only give grace on certain days of the week. Nope. Your perfect grace is new every morning and complete with your perfect everlasting love! Thank you Lord! I just love you so much! I pray that you will strengthen me in my areas of weakness and use me for your glory to impact this world for you. Use me. Mold me. Shape me. Change me. Cleanse me. Sharpen me. Strengthen me. Refine me.

This quarter in college has been harder than the last quarter. I am realizing how important it is to be organized... an area which I truely struggle with. And also realizing how much more I need to study and stay on top of things in my classes. I am depending on alot of grace for the rest of this quarter. God told me last quarter that if I am faithful in my studies He will show himself faithful in equiping me. So... I have been a bit of a slacker this quarter and am picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on track with my education.

Other things in the life of me...
my best friend got married and I spent a month with her before her wedding helping her prepare and enjoying her company before she headed out of the country for two years. It was so much fun and just amzing to get to spend time with her and her husband after they were married. He showed me how much he loves her and my heart was at peace knowing he would give her all the love she needs. It is sad to think she will be gone for two years. But I am excited thinking about the possibilities of visiting her all over the world. Australians are fun! She married an Aussie and his family came to Washington and I had the priveledge of hangin out with them in Seattle and also Vancouver. They are just great people! I hope they come back again soon. :)
As for my love life... ha! just kidding... it isn't really in existance right now... I so love the Lord though!! I will just continue lovin Him forver and praying for the man that God has to be my partner in life and ministry. God I hope that you show him to me soon!! But I will try to be patient until that time comes.
I am getting tired and I have school in the morning. I am off to bed.
Until next time...

May your smiles be many and may your life be blessed!!