Today is a day that is one of the hardest days of my life.
Last night after being very frustrated with my boyfriend we prayed and forgave eachother and then went to sleep. Well, I could not sleep for three hours. I kept think about the "call" that God has placed on my life and the desires HE has given me. My heart started racing and I knew what was coming. God has a plan. It is a plan that I have been trying to avoid looking at. I am so stubborn I didn't want to open my eyes and acknowledge the fact that I have been lying to myself and even worse my boyfriend. I felt called to missions five years ago and know that it is till going to be a few years before I am able to be on the field but at the same time I haven't been honest to the one I love so dearly. I told Dan that I want to go for a couple weeks to a month in Africa and God has put it on my heart to be there for a couple years at a time and possibly multiple times. This is so hard. I am torn apart because I want to follow my flesh and marry Dan and start a family. But then I say... I want to follow the plan that God has for me and the call that HE has placed on my life. I chose to follow Christ!
God I pray that when I talk to Dan tonight that you will give me all the courage I will need to tell him what is on my heart. And Lord I just ask that you will mend his broken heart and mine too. I am already hurting so much but am willing to be obediant to you. -Amen
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