Thursday, February 23, 2006

I have issues

So these last two days have been what I would call an emotional roller coaster of sorts. So I talked to Dan on Tuesday night and told him all that God had put on my heart he is like so what do you think that means for us? And so we cried and prayed that God would confirm what he told me by telling Dan. So the next day would be Wednesday and all day long I felt like my heart was actually damaged in some way. I have never experienced heart ache like this before. I know I love Daniel but I didn't know that this would hurt as much as it has. So all day yesterday I was in and out of tears and not talking to anyone about it. At lunch time I called my mom and she surprised me by saying some of the same things that Dan had said the night before. She told me that she thinks I am afraid of stability, have a huge fear of marriage, struggle with being in control, and that she knows God put Dan in my life. She also told me what someone else told me today... who knows when I am actually going to be going to Africa again. God put it on my heart, yes. And if it is after our kids are out of the house Dan wants to go with me too. He doesn’t have "the call" but is willing to let God use his accounting skills wherever he can use them... even in Africa.
So I am fixing my eyes on the right now and going to continue to seek God's will for my life. I know that God did bring Daniel into my life and believe that God would communicate with Daniel too if our relationship is supposed to take a different direction. We prayed for the condo together and asked if it was God's will for us to be married that the condo offer would be accepted. I am realizing more and more about myself that I have issues. I am blessed to have Daniel in my life because even after all that I put him through he still loves me and wants to marry me. I love him too and don't want to spend my life without him. God has placed a call on my life and he has also placed Daniel in my life. I don't have to choose one or the other. I can have both! Daniel supports the call that God has given me and is willing to go to the ends of the earth with me. I am so thankful for Daniel and thankful that God blessed me with him.
Thank you for praying for me.

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